Podcast Episode #467
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Pastors often fall into the trap of being people pleasers. Today, we discuss why and how you can say no to requests or even demands from church members.
Some highlights from today’s episode include:
- One of the most freeing things a leader can do is to accept that you will not be loved by everyone.
- Pastors, make sure your first line of ministry is your family.
- Pastor, you can’t say yes to everything. You have to learn to say no to some things.
- Having a referral list can help a pastor say no to ongoing pastoral counseling.
The six ways that we discuss today are:
- Accept you can’t please everyone
- Say yes to your family first
- Find times away from the office
- Suggest members do what they want you to do
- Get advocates to help you
- Say no graciously
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Maybe not easy, but also NOT complicated:
The local church (all born-again members of a congregation, together) cannot accomplish its biblical mission in its community and in this time unless it functions as a high performance team (choose your favorite term for a team with the same six characteristics). Lesser teams achieve lesser results; God and the community deserve greater results from the local church and its service to them, however.
Until effective lay leadership of the Bride of Christ steps up, the senior pastor must function as both groom AND marriage counselor. So, do it!–From the outset, establish the six characteristics of a high performance team, post those characteristics everywhere (walls, worship guides, etc.) if necessary until they are learned by the congregation:
1. COMMON PURPOSE (on the same page; alignment; etc.)
2. CLEAR ROLES (pastors do this, congregation does that–per the Bible)
3. ACCEPTED LEADERSHIP (if not accepted, become it or move on)
4. EFFECTIVE PROCESSES (“ways that work” instead of don’t)
5. SOLID RELATIONSHIPS (more diversity >> more conflict; focus: fellowship)
6. EXCELLENT COMMUNICATION (CANNOT overdo this–but TRY)
Not necessarily easy–but also NOT COMPLICATED. Do it, then stick by it. Teach the congregation so that it (eventually) accomplishes its biblical purpose in its community and while God still gives the time. (See Triaxia Partners for more info; https://triaxiapartners.com/services/team/) Note: talking IS NOT teaching, and listening IS NOT learning (teaching is teaching, and learning is learning); and, senior in the role does NOT EQUAL effectiveness (cf. denominational leadership and DOMs: most “senior” among us, and local Baptist associations dying on their watch?).
If a majority will not go along with you, take the minority directly across the street to start a new congregation that will “be church” and “do church” the right way, then reach the community accordingly (if people from the old church try to join the new church, be more selective–require them to commit from their hearts and via their time to the six characteristics first). At the average SBC per member rate of giving weekly, annual general fund receipts will be about $175,000 during the first year.
Now, or never.