In 1974 Burger King made a bold move to take market share from McDonald’s. At the time, McDonald’s made burgers en masse. If you wanted a special order, you had to wait interminably while it was cooked separately.
I remember. I’m a ketchup-only kind of guy.
So Burger King announced that each order would be cooked at the time of the order the way the customer wanted. Their new slogan was “Have It Your Way.” Burger King, at least at the time, understood the consumer entitlement mentality.
So what does this story have to do with our churches?
It provides a brief historical backdrop of the mentality that has crept into our churches, where many of our members think church is a place where I can always “have it my way.” For now, let me share some key reasons many of our congregations have become more like country clubs than churches, a place where some members demand their way instead of serving and self-sacrificing.
- Failure to state clearly the expectations of church membership on the front end. A membership class, or some similar entry point into churches, should not only give information about the church, it should provide expectations about membership. Membership without expectations becomes membership with entitlements.
- Failure to make certain as possible that members are Christians. Sadly, we church leaders often neglect to discuss the spiritual conditions of prospective members. Are they truly followers of Christ? As a result, many of our churches have unregenerate members.
- Seeking numerical growth at all costs. We certainly should be Great Commission churches. We certainly should be inviting people and sharing the gospel. But if our end goal is numbers, we will make compromising statements to bring people into our churches. We should seek to grow our churches out of obedience to God, not to create our own kingdoms.
- Failure to remind the congregation regularly what it means to be a part of the body of Christ. All of us church members have the potential to lapse into self-serving, entitlement members. We all need to be reminded that church membership is not about perks and privileges, but serving and sacrifice. I have been encouraged to see many churches have annual renewal and commitment services.
- Allowing the most entitled members into positions of key leadership in the church. One of the more common manifestations of an entitled church member is a person who seeks to gain power and leadership positions in a church so he or she can control and get his or her own way. We yield to them too often because they might be big givers or because we don’t have the fortitude to resist their bullying behavior.
- Failure to deal with difficult issues. Church leaders too often are conflict avoiders. And while we shouldn’t pick a fight over every issue of minutia, neither should we allow a pervasive culture of entitlement, bullying, and manipulation to grow unabated. A problem not handled now is a larger problem later.
The biblical mandate for local congregations is counter-cultural. In many passages of the New Testament, such as 1 Corinthians 12, we are clearly taught that members are to be sacrificial, giving, and serving.
Such a mentality goes counter to the culture in which the church ministers.
Church is not about having it our way.
It’s about bringing glory to God by having it His way.
Very timely. Bravo!
Thanks, Ken.
When you have self-perpetuating leadership, you have a policy of conflict avoidance. Most leaders don’t want to upset their life-long friends so the allow(ed) them to get a little bit more. Also, secular nonprofits never upset a large donor, so they get more influence by that method. They use the golden rule which says the one with the gold makes the rules. This continued unabated for decades until the inter-generational strife started.
In my opinion, which is far less than the widow’s mite, the congregation, deacons, and pastor all have a hand on the decision-making wheel, each doing their best to drive the bus as they deem worthy and righteous. Unfortunately, the results are often damaging and quite frankly a great hindrance to the health and forward progress of disciple making.
Much responsibility, accountability, expectations, and micro-management are at the forefront, yet lagging behind the scenes is trust, authority, unity and excitement.
However, we march on and remain faithful to our Lord, His Word, and His people….????
!!!!!! Exclamation points intended!!!!! ????
Thom,
One of your best!
Pastors wanting to please! Wanting to be accepted!
The true gospel challenges, and confronts at times and surely call for repentance!
Thanks for these good words. May they challenge all of us who stand behind the sacred desk!
Thank you, Paul.
I appreciate your encouraging posts for pastors who are being mistreated. I have to say, though, that the other side of the coin should not be ignored – there are some pastors out there who have a hard time seeing things any other way than their own and as a result become bullies themselves. It can be very difficult being a lay leader serving under a pastor that can’t see their own warts very clearly, or at least can’t admit they have them.
TLL –
I have indeed written about both sides. Because my audience is 60% pastors, I more often write to them and for them.
Well spoken. We have an interim pastor that announced at one meeting, ” He wants to be at a church where he is celebrated, not a church he is tolerated”. Unfortunately only about 10 people out of 60 saw the error of this thinking and he is now our interim pastor for 4 months. And, yes he is a bully.
The sad part is that we all have “warts.” OUr first prayer of the day is asking God to convict us of our “warts” and rid them and give us a clear vision of serving Him
BINGO!!!
I have heard, from the pulpit, and more times than I can recall: “If you only have one hour on Sunday mornings, come to Sunday School (as opposed to the worship service). That’s where your support is.”
I didn’t like it then and I don’t like it now; it’s telling the people that the reason for coming to church at all is to get support. That may well be a by-product of fellowship, but the only thing God gets out of our assembling is our worship and our praise.
He doesn’t really need our money, He doesn’t really learn from our sermons, and He already knows our prayer requests.
Thom,
I think these points are well-taken and articulated. I think you have dealt positively with points 1, 2 & 4 in your excellent little book, “Anatomy of a Church Member.” Not surprised to see those points show up on this list.
The bigger picture, which you allude to in the Burger King reference, is that we live in a culture of entitlement. It began with us, the Boomer Generation, and we have multiplied it even more to our children, the Millennials. The Church Growth Movement, especially the Seeker Movement pushed the entitlement/consumerist paradigm even stronger into the church. It is not that those movements didn’t contribute something positive. Perhaps they did. Their passion for unchurched folk is certainly to be emulated. But preaching exclusively to “felt-need” and providing a “cafeteria” of religious ministries as a growth strategy has simply accommodated and leveraged prevailing cultural attitudes.
The Church, however, should be counter-cultural. I know. “Be all things to all people that I might win some.” I get that. But we’ve failed to be discerning when we’ve adopted cultural values in the church without biblical and historical reflection.
Frankly, church leaders need a lot of repentance from our failure to lead in a biblical, Spirit-empowered path. There are some lights on the horizon, however, that may help to pave the way to a counter-cultural and transformational understanding of the mission of the Church in America.
Thanks for your good work.
Thom, you hit the nail on the head. The leadership bows in obeisance to the big donors and does their bidding. The mistakes made are enormous, they gave up control of a 40 year old thriving Christian school (pre-k to 12), the attendance is declining rapidly and people are scattered and hurt, some abandoning their faith. Yet the so-called ministers carry on as if what they are doing is God’s will. It is abominable.
true bro.
Not new, but always glad to hear someone else say it. Churches are, like it or not, just like other social / religious institutions (Anyone want to be institutionalized?). What you get out depends on what you put in. Thanks again for the good words.
Thanks, Ted.
I once shocked an entitled member who was sighing “I just don’t get anything out of worship,” when I asked her what she was putting into worship. Was she welcoming the visitors, was she studying the scripture for the week, was she praying for our congregation? I asked her to consider that maybe she was there FOR someone else who needed a listening ear, a genuine smile, or an offer for prayer.
Boom!
Maybe you should have had coffee and try to understand. What she meant before quickly verbally assaulting her.
Maybe she actually sensed something you did not, maybe the Holy Spirit was speaking through her for you to hear that something is amiss, maybe she is too uncomfortable to tell you one of the worship leaders is a royal jerk, maybe maybe maybe
Get off your throne and listen before pronouncing judgment.
“I just don’t get anything out of worship.” Susan, it sounds like you are too quick to provide judgement. Worship is not for the individual. We do not worship men. We worship God.
“Get off your throne and listen before pronouncing judgment.”
You might do well to heed that bit of advice yourself, ma’am.
Or, give the benefit of the doubt to Sue. Those are legitimate questions and perhaps the response was silence so no coffee date was necessary (or even desired). If asking someone what they’re putting into worship is considered a verbal assault and judgement, maybe, just maybe, they didn’t understand the question (or just didn’t like it).
There are many reasons for a comment labout not getting much out of worship. Grief pain distressing life situations diagnosis of terminal
Illness, fear of death- I can think of a thousand reasons why someone is struggling with a service. It is a rush to if you do
Not take the time to
Listen and understand sets you up as judge and jury without even knowing the truth.
Not everyone is trying have it their way. Some are just struggling, some may be Gods voice for a pastor to hear tough things and others are just selfish. If a friend was treated this way by church leadership I would tel her to run out of that church immediately- that is abusive leadership.
Sorry but the immediate response in this example was to
Barrage this woman with questions instead of asking and listening.and seeking understanding. That is verbal assault.
Yup!
Once we are His, “To serve, not to be served” has to be more than rhetoric – we are in His kingdom, and on His earth, to do His will. Forget that Army of one nonsense, and embrace being in the army of the One.
Recently we lost 10% of our tithe base, simply because one large donor had a problem with me welcoming a sinner into God’s house. They stirred some others up, and a mass exodus occurred. Their accusations were based on rumors that were not substantiated. The bottom line: we will adjust our budget and move on, continuing to welcome sinners to be changed in God’s presence.
Please clarify for me the definition of Church membership .
This is my understanding ,a public proclamation that “I” am a sinner and in need of salvation , receiving Christ in to my heart as my personal savior , repenting and redirection in my life and a display of obedience with a public baptism by immersion . That along with my obedience to the Word and having a like minded fellowship in Christ made me a member of the Body of Christ witch is the Church. OR is membership pledging an allegiance to a church constitution and its by laws in order to participate in the Body ?
I am a baptized Christion of 50 year, and a Southern Baptist, and I have not received clarity on this question as of this day . Please give me the Bible context that will give me Pease and understanding.
conflicted !
Until and unless you experience the new birth as described in Acts 2:38, you are not and cannot be a Christian. And furthermore, if one is a true Christian you will never be in the church, YOU WILL BE THE CHURCH.
The concerns you raise Thom have been a part of the makeup of churches and synagogues since Jesus was on earth.
“Woe to you Pharisees, because you love the most important seats in the synagogues and respectful greetings in the marketplaces”. Luke 11:43
The bigger question in my less than scholarly mind is why hasn’t the church learned to address this in two thousand years?
I believe in part it’s because we the church have become very good at policing others with all of our rules and dogma. God’s house….not so much.
The love of filthy lucre.
The love of power and control is even more enticing than money. When chuechnpositions became careers instead of service it transitioned to a business with all the power plays.
Hey, I’m glad i’m not the only one who like ketchup only on a hamburger.
Ketchup rocks.
Ketchup on your hamburger is okay. Just don’t put it on a hot dog!
Thom, I always enjoy reading what you write. How do you think discipleship fits into the steps you mentioned in your post?
Thank you, Thom. As a Pastor, I struggle in finding a good balance at times. The balance between everyone being a part and EVERYONE feeling the need to share their opinion. How far does it go? How involved does the entire congregation need to be in picking a paint color? Especially in a smaller (100 Sunday Attendance) but growing Body. The members are used to and insistent on voting for everything. It’s definitely a recipe for division when any decision has to be made. Any thoughts on leading a congregation through a mindset change? And how do we include everyone without going too far? Thanks and keep up the good work!
#7 – Failure of everyone (both members and leadership) to realize that it is HIS church, not ours! Quite a few of these points would be more appropriate to running a franchise operation than to how to BE the body of Christ. We are many parts, but all one body! I believe that is in the Bible somewhere! (wink)
My father is a retired Baptist pastor. He is struggling to find a church to join because he says they are country clubs.
Sadly, this is the state of many churches. Sometimes the country club is exclusive and some members of the church are excluded.
I have been a Protestant for over 67 years. I am now considering attending the Catholic Church. Their worship service has the elements of the sacred, no jeans with holes sported by the worship leader, no rap music or blaring guitars. The entire service is about worshiping Jesus Christ. Communion is a sacred ceremony; not an afterthought. The sermon was similar in doctrine. Yes, I know the differences between Protestant and Catholic. I won’t be able to join the Catholic Church because I won’t affirm many of their theological points. That’s fine with me. I’m sick and tired of the foolishness and sloppiness I witness at most every Protestant church in my area – and places we visit. Don’t lecture me on not giving or being in service or prayer for the church. I go to church to be drawn in to the sacred. I hunger for worship. I can serve others when I leave the sanctuary. I’m fully aware of the problems in the Catholic Church – AND the Protestant churches. In my opinion, the Protestant churches are a stinking mess. What would Wesley and Spurgeon say if they witnessed this foolishness?
ooh yes but hope you made a solely decision by admitting that you were a sinner and accepted the fact that Christ Jesus died and rose again.you see He is the head of the church men are men and you know that they made our Lord to be hunged on a tree.mind their own business and continue cultivating your way to heaven through Jesus christ not what men do. be blessed with hebrews 4:12
When the concept of worship becomes what you do during 3 songs and a talk on Sunday instead of what you do in your ‘everyday walking around life. Or when ‘the Sacred’ or clothing or music is the touchpoint, it’s easy to see the monster that has been created by the institutional church. Even (and I know I’m probably in the wrong place to say this) when we talk about local church membership, the unintended consequence has resulted in folks putting the focus on the local organization, local leadership, attending and serving that organization–in lieu of following the Master.
Oh, I know that wasn’t the plan, and I know that the words that are often spoken are all the correct and proper ones. But the actual message that has been sent was one that was well learned by many and it wasn’t the one we thought we were sending.
The church today has ‘taught’ most effectively:
1- Show up and serve the church and that will suffice as following the Master
2- It’s all about butts in seats and the resultant trickle-down of offerings that will support ‘all this good stuff we’re doing’.
3- You just need to listen to a good speaker ‘teach’ every week, cuz, you know, God might even speak to you through it. (never mind whether you actually do what you already know–we won’t ask if you’re doing that because, well, see item #2)
4- __________(fill in the blank)
Don’t believe me? Just try doing without:
a) A building
b) A paid pastor
c) A Sunday meeting
If you don’t have those things, the average church attender would be hopelessly lost and and unable to even believe they were a ‘christian’ anymore.
I am coming to believe that these are our idols….and/or reveal us as modern day Pharisees focused on the ‘stuff’ of our faith instead of the Author and Finisher of our faith
Wow! If I didn’t know better I would think, that you heard my message yesterday! I opened my sermon with the original BK commercial circa 1974! A number of weeks ago I presented every household of our church with a copy of your book “Autopsy Of A Deceased Church”, and it is motiving us into revival /revitalization!
Great article as usual. Keep feeding us!
Blessings
Thom, you hit the nail right on the head. We attended a church just like this.
Thanks, Jeff.
It is very true and if the church will come to the knowledge that Christ is the head of the church and we are its body we will be healed for the body is directed by the head the opposite leads to the things i now hear from you.
While I think the points made in this article are valid I find the article misses the mark in a significant way. Nearly every point that is made is stressing this as a problem that the church has created or, at best, ignored (note that four start with “failure”) by what it does. A greater problem might be what we are preaching. The same issues that are being described existed in the church at Corinth. Paul did not address those as much organizationally as much as he did doctrinally which then led to practical living. When our sermons are “10 Steps to …” and “How To …” with a smattering of Christ at the end we can only get entitlement attenders. Preaching the cross and Christ’s redemptive work must be at the forefront – not an addendum or a means to self-help messages.
This is a real tough one. It is ultimately a discipleship issue on a Romans 12v1-2 level. People are fully submerged in an entitlement culture, their brains are washed with it. Ultimately people need to experience Christ and be gripped by Him or else its often a battle of wills.
Thanks for sharing this list of reasons for a consumer mentality. I’m thinking that #2, 4, and 6 are effectively problems in this place. At a recent church meeting where the congregation was discussing a church name change to “community”, the leadership was accused of making the church a place for “all kinds of weird people”. Heaven help us if “those” sinners enter our door. The “church is for Christians”. Seems to me that many in this place want to continue as the holy huddle, separate, untouched and uninterested in the community around us.
Great read! Goes along nicely with “I am a church member”. I had my entire church (youth and up) go thru this book. We are finishing it up this week. It is turning lights on for some people. Thanks for your insight brother!
Thanks, Danny!
Courageous clergy leadership is critical to draw us back to what it actually means to follow Christ. Navigating this kind of change, shifting from entitlement to authentic discipleship, always takes a toll on the pastor leading the charge. This does not mean that it is not worth it; rather, it means making calculated choices with impeccable, God-centered timing, to make changes that are healthy for the Body of Christ. Each pastor needs a prayer partner and intentional leadership training on how to effectively lead change for this to happen. Partnering with key laity, who do step forward with their investments of money and time in God’s kingdom, is a key piece. May God give us all courage to lead with excellence!
…church is a place….
where we all need to encourage one another and build up one another day after day, and all the more as the day approaches, particularly according to the Lord, so that none of us are hardened by the deceitfulness of sin
Hi Tom,
I have been reading your blogs and am impressed with the content. I was wondering if you have these translated into Spanish?
If not would you give me permission to translate some and post in spanish?
Thank you
RE: Ren’ee says: I have heard and also read recently a response on your statement of characterization of “all kinds of weird people.” “what are you going to do when the weirdoos and freaks show up.” Tell me, what is the difference between your sin and their sin?
As far as entitlement goes in my opinion it’s because the American dream influences the church in America more than the Bible does the fact that were born in America we think we’re entitled to houses the finest education multiple cars clothes jewelry all the things that much of the rest of the world will never have we believe we’re entitled to it I think with sadly mistaken
I think it’s interesting that pastors assume people aren’t serving just because they don’t see it. How do you know what people are doing “on the side”? They not only are working 50 hours or more a week, but then taking care of elderly parents, trying to be do everything in their family due to an uninvolved father, helping their neighbors, etc. Also, they give money to those they see in need and disciple without the “oversight” of the pastor. They work hard without getting paid (like the pastor). I didn’t know we had to turn in our spiritual time cards to the church.