Podcast Episode #242
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Discussions on pastors and funerals as well as what to watch for, what to have prepared, and what to avoid.
Some highlights from today’s episode include:
- Know the community traditions related to funerals.
- Don’t just read a script when officiating a funeral. Personalize it if at all possible.
- Have a personal policy of what funerals you will do and whether you will do out of town funerals.
- Know who else will be speaking at a funeral you’re officiating.
- Be prepared to intervene if things go off the rails at a funeral.
- If possible, try to be the last speaker at a funeral to have the ability to share the hope of the resurrection.
The eight key issues regarding funerals that we cover are:
- Decide your parameters for doing funerals.
- Know the traditions of the community.
- Meet with the family to personalize the message.
- Brevity is best.
- The issue of the financial charge.
- Expectations of the family.
- Expect something different.
- Share the gospel in your message.
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Feedback
If you have a question you would like answered on the show, fill out the form on the podcast page here at ThomRainer.com. If we use your question, you’ll receive a free copy of I Will.
Please show some concern for the grandchildren of the deceased. Too many pastors express the most concern for the widow(er), if applicable, then the children. The grandchildren are often left out or brushed off. They are often the people who may be wondering who in this world will love them and even from whom their next meal will come. A lot of people automatically presume that parents love their children and have stable home and this is not always the case.
Great point, Mark.
Yes, I was one of those “forgotten” grandchildren–even though my grandmother raised me. I can’t remember when I have felt more awkward at a funeral.
Be willing to share your facility when there is a need you can help meet . This is a great outreach ministry that people do not forget.
Thanks for these helpful points. I thought I’d share something we’ve done. We formed a “Compassionate Hosts Team” that handles every visitation/funeral/reception that we have on our campus. They serve as greeters, ushers and assist the funeral home staff, etc. They also have a checklist of things that need to be done such as moving any sanctuary furniture, setting the room temps, tissues in the pews, water and other essentials in the family waiting room, helping in the reception, and handing out bulletins. This team is a wonderful way to care for the family and makes an impact on guests many of which may not be part of our church. This team is just utilized when we have an on campus funeral or reception. Sometimes when there is a memorial service with no funeral home involved, this team serves in that capacity. They help me as pastor in a huge way!
That is a great ministry, Robert. I love it, and I know the readers will as well.
I tend to shy away from doing funerals / memorial services in our worship space if there is another alternative. I have found in the past, that once people associate that space with their deceased loved one, it is difficult for them to worship there. This is especially true in the case of an untimely death.
Yeah, I’ve run into that, too. On the other hand, some people like to have the funeral at the church, especially if the person was heavily involved in the church. I think you should at least give them the option of using the church facility, especially if the family has limited finances. This could save them the expense of renting the funeral home chapel. On the other hand, some funeral homes charge a flat fee, so it makes no difference whether you have the service in their chapel or not.
In short, you are correct: it is a double-edged sword.