Podcast Episode #118
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Church bullies are a real problem in many—if not all—churches. While you can attempt to safeguard your church through membership classes and high expectations, you will likely have to deal with a church bully at some point in your ministry. In today’s episode, we discuss what to do with church bullies and even how to prevent them from doing damage in a church.
Some highlights from today’s episode include:
- Most church bullies would never think that they are bullies.
- Church bullies rarely work alone. They make alliances to attempt to control the church.
- High expectation churches are less likely to have problems with church bullies.
- Low expectation churches lead to bullying because you don’t have strong members to stand up to them.
- Church membership classes often weed out church bullies at the beginning.
- Bullies are always active in shaping a church to their preferences.
Here are the nine traits of church bullies we discussed on the podcast:
- They do not recognize themselves as bullies.
- They have personal and self-serving agendas.
- They seek to form power alliances with weak members in the church.
- They tend to have intense and emotional personalities.
- They are famous for saying “people are saying.”
- They find their greatest opportunities in low expectation churches.
- They are allowed to bully because church members will not stand up to them.
- They create chaos and wreak havoc. A church bully always has his next mission.
- They often move to other churches after they have done their damage.
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Feedback
If you have a question you would like answered on the show, fill out the form on the podcast page here at ThomRainer.com. If we use your question, you’ll receive a free copy of Autopsy of a Deceased Church.
Thom, I love your site. You offer so many helpful things.
Would it better to call them “Wolves” instead? I ask only because of Scripture’s pictures of a flock and shepherds.
EXCELLENT article! The church bullies successfully hijacked my previous church after the Sr. Pastor retired. I took my family out of that mess.
Love, love, love your podcasts.
Dealt with many, many church bullies through the years. Podcast was right on the money.
“It depends” is a great answer, because every situation is different. I have always dealt with the bully by going to them one on one after a “public attack.” Some good responses and some not so good, but it was always the right thing to do in the situation.
I have been at my current church for 10 years. The last 3 years have been a struggle, because of dealing with a very difficult person. But God is good! The last 3 years has also been a time of growth for the church like I have never seen in my 30 years in the ministry. I can’t explain it, the other people in the church can’t explain it. It is just a God thing! How can a “dark time” personally be such an awesome time for the church I pastor? We are out of room in every area and it is a really cool problem to have. I know that is all God!
God Bless you Thom for your encouragement to preachers and pastors and lay leaders all over!
Actually church bullies is an excellent descriptive title for these folks. The term Wolves may, and probably does apply as well. But not necessarily. One can be a wolf and not necessarily a bully. I think a wolf can be very discreet in his destruction of a church where as a bully is typically more visibly aggressive and likes it that way. A wolf can be very subtle in his tactics, say in the teaching of false doctrine for example. The wolf can do this with a smile on their face and with a very docile non-threatening demeanor.
There are bullies in all walks of life…..in the schools….in the business place….and unfortunately they are in the church as well.
After thought:
As a result, it may be more difficult to recognize a wolf in the church that it would be a bully.
What type of training does staff and or pastors go through regarding bullies? Is it enough since this is such a problem. My experience is that pastors told me to stop complaining about it.
When I saw the title of the article, I was reminded of that episode of “The Andy Griffith Show” where Andy’s hillbilly friend, Briscoe Darling, had come to visit Andy about a local troublemaker named Ernest T. Bass. Andy asked him why he and his boys couldn’t handle the problem themselves, and Briscoe replied, “Well, we thought about killin’ him, but we just didn’t wanna go that far!”
That’s funny.
How does a pastor deal with the Bully is that Bully is on staff and uses their power how they see fit? Is it fair to the rest of the staff or church members who must endure their harshness?
Hello Thom!
I’ve been bullied in the work place and in church!
One thing, that should be stated is… That people learn… That it’s a good thing to be a Whistle-blower! It’s notsomething to be ashamed of… It takes courage to stand up… To stick your head above the parapet and to say…bullying is wrong… It should be named and shamed!
It’s good to be a Whistle Blower
Yours in Christ
Marian Edwards
Thanks Thom for your excellent podcast and blog. I have given your coverage of “bullies” a lot of thought. I think what defines a bully is more their motivation and less their methods. Anyone who pushes for reform or change in a church is going to see a power struggle, face opposition, and to some degree create change-based chaos. It is becoming too easy to label people as bullies simply because they create tension in the church.
I’ve been accused of being a bully for having strong views on what constitutes a vibrant church and been marginalized by church leadership for pushing for healthy change.
What really has helped me to see the difference between a bully and an agent of change is temperament and motivation. As the Spirit guides He sets the pace and the practices to create healthy change. People will notice when you do not retaliate against those who oppose you or when you refuse to rely on force of will to accomplish tasks.
Thom,
Along this line, I would love to hear your thoughts on the differences between a nit-picker vs. a member who may have very deep concerns about some issue in the church.
I have seen people labeled as “bullies” for voicing genuine concern in the kindest way they possibly could. Too often, I have seen pastors/leaders give them slap-downs, rather than listening to the heart of what is being said. I do understand that it can appear to leadership that they are under a constant barrage of complaint, but, at the same time, it seems to me that there is a place for voicing concerns to leadership without being labeled as “the opposition” or written off as a rabble-rouser. How would you advise church leaders to go about discerning the never-satisfied bully from the concerned congregant?
Thanks.