You never know what will strike a nerve in the blogosphere. A blog post I wrote Saturday went viral, and the comments, discussion, and debate are still taking place at that post.
It was really a simple article. I did a Twitter poll (not scientific, I assure you) asking first-time church guests what factors made them decide not to return. I listed the top ten in order of frequency.
The surprise factor was the number one issue. Many first-time guests really don’t like the time of stand and greet one another that some churches have. According to the Twitter responses and comments on the post, many guests really don’t like it, so much so that they will not return.
So what is it about this stand and greet time that many guests don’t like? Here are the seven most common responses, again listed in order of frequency.
- Many guests are introverts. “I would rather have a root canal than be subjected to a stand and greet time.”
- Some guests perceive that the members are not sincere during the time of greeting. “In most of the churches it should be called a stand and fake it time. The members weren’t friendly at all except for ninety seconds.”
- Many guests don’t like the lack of hygiene that takes place during this time. “Look, I’m not a germaphobe, but that guy wiped his nose right before he shook my hand.”
- Many times the members only greet other members. “I went to one church where no one spoke to me the entire time of greeting. I could tell they were speaking to people they already knew.”
- Both members and guests at some churches perceive the entire exercise is awkward. “Nowhere except churches do we have times that are so awkward and artificial. If members are going to be friendly, they would be friendly at other times as well. They’re not.”
- In some churches, the people in the congregation are told to say something silly to one another. “So the pastor told us to tell someone near us that they are good looking. I couldn’t find anyone who fit that description, so I left and didn’t go back.”
- Not only do some guests dread the stand and greet time, so do some members. “I visited the church and went through the ritual of standing and greeting, but many of the members looked just as uncomfortable as I was. We were all doing a required activity that none of us liked.”
There are some pretty strong comments at the other post, and not all of them are negative about a stand and greet time. But apparently many guests really don’t like the exercise.
Should churches that have a stand and greet time continue to do so? Is it more negative than positive, or vice versa? Does your church have this activity? How do you feel about it? I look forward to your responses.
We stopped this activity years ago for a lot of those reasons mentioned. Plus we wanted our focus to remain on worshipping God, and this was just a lot of distraction. We didn’t announce we were removing it, and no one mentioned missing it.
Thanks, Jeff.
In the Episcopal and other Catholic churches its referred to as exchanging the sign of peace. It is a beautiful gesture but it is not required. People get over yourselves. If it bothers you just don’t do it.
There is a big difference between passing the peace and the “stand and greet” practiced in Protestant Churches. The practice mentioned in this post refers to saying hello and having conversation with the people around you after worship has begun. It’s like bringing the idle conversation from the Narthex before service into the midst of a worship service.
No, it’s really the same thing. The pastor may say “May the peace of the Lord be with you,” but after (or instead of) saying that, people chat….with those they know and are comfortable greeting, for the most part. I’m a huge proponent of greeting newcomers, but that’s an awkward time to really converse.
We are a Protestant Church – United Church is Canada and we practice the Passing of Peace. It is a beautiful time – often the only physical contact some folks will get in a week. If we are intensional to really see the new comer and extend a genuine authentic sharing, we can never go wrong!
I disagree! I was brought up 12 yrs. in a catholic school taught by nuns; just before Vatican 2 came to be.
I got confused; left the Church; through prayers of others, I returned and I do my Vatican 1′ prior to the stuff they do now in Mass. God forbid, should anyone touch me; while I’m wearing my mantilla and kneeling and praying during the :kiss of peace!”.
You want to say howdy; do it before you go into Mass, or after the Mass is said; outside in the vestibule; not during Mass. Mass is thanking and asking God to help us. Not for visiting and ignoring His wishes.
Agree, Maura, I’m there to talk to God, not my neighbor. Leave me to it.
Thats so true!! I use to feel uncomfortable at the peace sign,and you can catch colds etc that way too. I go to a Latin mass now were that isn’t done,its not nice to chatter in a service when worshiping God.
No, this is different than “exchanging peace” which happens in the middle of the Mass. This stand and greet is before the start of the Mass and it is nothing but distraction and annoyance, a fake effort of “building a community”. Aren’t we already a community of God’s children and members of the Body of Christ -the Church?
The comment “Many guest are introverts” is confusing and may be misleading. Is many a majority? I would suspect that the church sees a cross section of personality types as guests very similar to the types found in society and so be careful we do not make a rash decision because of a few tweet comments. Maybe the introverts are more likely to tweet being the introvert they are and the data / feedback is skewed.
So what do we do? Continue to remove doing something because a certain segment doesn’t like it or feels uncomfortable? What of the extrovert that is dying for interaction?
I think we need to be careful to react to a very small population that may tweet a certain response during a one time request or comment.
Our church does not do such a greeting BUT I know a few very robust and growing churches that do this and it seems to be very helpful.
We need to know our community and reach out well and trust the spirit and not be afraid to try and fail and learn and do something else.
Ed
Several years ago, my UU church conducted a session on Myers-Briggs that included an introversion-extroversion test. There were, perhaps 40 people attending, and I would say 30 tested introverted. I think that’s generally the case in UU churches.
I am an extrovert and yet I hate the “meet and greet” at the beginning of a service. It’s entirely contrived – people do it because they are told to, period. There is no way to form a relationship in the scant few seconds it takes to shake hands and say, “good morning”… that’s what social hour after church is for. It’s disruptive to the reverence that I think belongs to gathering to worship God because it turns attention once again to ourselves and our neighbor instead of where it should be during the church service.
these findings have little meaning if there are no stats given for race. There should be a crosstab for race and “meet and greet variable. At this point, the findings cant be used universally about the whole church. Can you provide crosstabs between different races and “meet and greet section of church”? I bet, the findings will be different.
Did you not read the article which stated this was not a scientific study !!?????
Not a fan but did participate in something beautiful in Maui. After the ceremonial entrance and prior to the sign of the Cross, the celebrating Priest asked everyone to turn to their neighbors and introduce themselves. It was a quick exchange of names; consisting of a moment in time, 30 seconds or so.
The Mass and sign of the Cross commenced. I had a wonderful feeling of family as I (we) prayed.
I personally loathe the stand and greet time. For all the reasons I have seen listed, shyness, the insincerity, the awkwardness, the nasty hands I have had to shake. I have literally quit going to services because I hate it so badly. I go to Sunday School/small group and then leave. And I would like to make more connections at church but after going to church for years, I have never made a more than fleeting connection during the “stand & greet” and usually it is just a time to stand there and feel awful. I would jump for joy if my church did away with it.
Can you not see the irony in your post darlene? You would like to make connections at church but Heaven forbid that you might have to shake “nasty hands”. Community is messy. If you want some kind of clean relationships that are always easy, simple, and go just as you planned you may want to reconsider whether it is really people you want relationships with.
Shaking hands is not making connections because everyone is waiting for it to be over. Besides the music is too loud because the musicians are given the chance to jam for three minutes. I purposely look for people I don’t know assuming they are visitors and too often discover they’ve been attending for years! That’s just Big-churchitis. The meet and greet is ineffective in big gatherings.
That was kind of harsh. I think you missed Darlene’s point that she was not making connections even though she is involved in smaller meetings. I have never made any lasting connections through a meet and greet. Community does not have to be messy if it is from a sincere desire to create it rather than use a superficial gesture and call it a day.
Yes it is- and it does nothing for the reverence in the sanctuary nor for the worship service !
I agree!
It is important to greet everyone, members or not. Visitors like it when they are greeted at the front door, handed a bulletin and shown the way into the Sanctuary. As a greeter at our church, I find that this is the best way.
I am a member of a Baptist church in Central Texas. Baptist churches have taken on this “practice” over the past few years. Personally, I despise it. We have a greeting ministry that is for the same purpose as Robert mentioned above, but they overdo it. We have greeters out on the street, then greeters at the entrance to the church, then greeters inside the entrance to the church, then more greeters down the hall. I have started to go to an entrance where I will only be greeted once. I do not have a problem with greeting someone when they first arrive, but I get tired of running the “greeting gauntlet” when I get there. Then, we have the time at the first of the service where we stand and greet everyone. We generally have an organ prelude, then a choir anthem, and then a hymn, and then the pastor makes his opening remarks – welcome to *** church – if you are a visitor, etc. etc. We are here to build a community, etc. So find someone you don’t know and say hello to them. Wake up people. The service has already started – people have begun to focus on the service, and then we all have to stand up, get loud and greet people? Some members walk all over the sanctuary to greet people and then once the music starts for the next hymn, it is sometimes like trying to herd cattle to get them back in their seats and then to focus back on the service. I sit in the balcony in a corner away from most people so I don’t have to participate in this. Often, I just go down the stairs to the stairway landing until that nonsense is over. This is not the same as “Passing the Peace” as is found in some Lutheran and Episcopal services. It is “How are you doing – good to see you – how bout them Cowboys? -kind of thing. I have an acquaintance that is a priest in an Anglican church. I asked him if they ever did anything like that in their service and he looked mortified. He said no, that once the service began it was and should be all about Christ and not visiting with friends. My wife sings in our choir – she knows all of the people around her – who is she going to greet? It just looks stupid. If you have to have this greeting, then do it at the very FIRST of the service. Have the prelude, and then have the minister come up and say that we are glad you are here -take a moment and greet those around you and then our service will begin. That way it is done and does not interrupt the remainder of the service.
What a sad response. I could never get enough hugs and hand shakes. Most first timers come to church for the people connection. Okay, so you aren’t big on the human touch.Most people are. Just ignore us you’ll do fine.
Whether a person likes to meet or greet or not is a personal preference and there are many people here expressing their preference one way or another. I do find it curious that the most judgmental comments here are those who get snarky with people who do not like the meet and greet. They are allowed to be the people God made them, and express their opinions as such.
If we are talking hygiene how crazy if you are His you are the blood and body of Christ which means you are well and covered by Jesus just as He is. If we are talking hand shaking making you sick we are talking neurotic and believe you should be prayerfully asking for help with your problem. If you can’t shake someone’s hand don’t be a greeter!
We are the body of Christ who want to get to know and welcome new people into our Church after all we are brother’s and sister’s in Christ not a high school click! Stop offending by thinking your are better than or not part of: you are a child of God with an open heart to those who are saved and unsaved just get over yourself and walk and stop being rude!
Maybe a good place to start is where did the “tradition” of hand shaking come from, and is it cultural or what, why is it so important?
Right, Bill. IMHO, it’s all based on the touchy feely need some people have to insure others like them. I find myself dreading the ‘sign of peace’ and trying to maneuver my way out of it DURING EVERY MASS. It is a pain, a distraction and entirely germ ridden moment. Even during a flu outbreak a few years ago, many people just couldn’t stop throwing themselves at others. I hate it.
Wrong answer to give a person expressing a problem that’s very serious to them.
sincerity sincerity… ok if you’d do it outside of Mass, but does not readily happen. People are doing what they’re told. How about we greet the Lord and worship him.
It will take much more than a meet and greet b fire the liturgy to fix decades of lax Christian behavior
Most churches are a social event anyway. People chat before and after the service and sometimes during. Why do you need even more?
Thanks, Mark for the input.
Thom, interesting article. Thank you.
AMEN !!!
I’m a big proponent of this time in the service. Historically, it was known as the “passing of the peace”, so we “greet one another with the peace of Christ, or in the peace of Christ”.
I think, liturgically, it’s significant if we set it up that way and not in a cheesy way.
But, also, . . I’ve heard the arguments from introverts, etc. . (I am one), and I”ve just seen the other side. Most of the time when someone has a good comment about church welcomeness, or “I met someone”, it comes from this time. Some people who live alone or in a senior center may not have been touched all week in a warm way. This might be the first time in the week anyone has said “hi” to them. We had some homeless folks that were in this position. As a worship leader, you would also notice the marked difference in singing and engagement after this time. It’s kind of like it gave everyone an excuse to talk to each other for a moment 🙂 and then inhibitions came down. I think the benefits outweigh the risks of awkwardness.
Thanks for the perspective, Aaron.
If the person does not like a small class should we only have large classes?
If the person want the pastor wearing a tie / not wearing a tie, do we change?
Yes it is important to make church comfortable for the visitor or the lost… we need to make them welcomed the best we can. But it will never be easy, just like walking into the first grade room for the first time… Church is different than the world and becoming more different each day. Not because the church is changing so much but because the world is pulling further and further away. Sadly many think the worship service should mirror the world, but isn’t that wrong, isn’t the church different than the world. The hungry are coming to church for something they can not get in the world, the church being the fellowship of followers of Christ… Just think we need to be careful of changing something everything someone says ouch. By the way, meet and greet times are tough for me, I have had to learn to step out of my comfort zone. It has helped me meet new friends, seeking those who seem uncomfortable and making them welcomed…. maybe we should teach our people to be seekers?
Aaron & Reginald . . . Both insightful . . . We are a very small church & we stand & greet each Sunday . . . As the pastor I set the stage & the tone for that time of greeting by what is said immediately before it . . . It is a great opportunity to remind people of the need for community & relationship; that we have not gathered for an insulated & isolated individual experience but a collective connection with God & each other as the Body of Christ . . . Having been criticized for both wearing a coat & tie & not wearing a coat & tie I have become a firm proponent of not trying to meet every personal agenda that people come through the door with, in order to avoid being considered “offensive” . . . In this age of seemingly “perpetual offense” we must be careful that our decisions don’t encourage people to hold onto their narcissistic preferences to the detriment of the whole, rather than encouraging them to “prefer others better than themselves” . . .
Having or not having a “stand and greet time” has nothing to do with mirroring the world or preparing people for worship or compromising the Bible, as if doing away with it somehow gives Satan a foothold in the church. It is not a doctrinal issue, it is simply about personal preference. Personaly, I could take it or leave it. I shake plenty of hands and greet plenty of people before and after the service. However, in this era of people looking for authenticity in the church, telling people from the pulpit to “stand and greet” is anything but authentic.
I don’t believe people respond well to being “told” to do any activity in church services… i.e. stand and greet, tell the person next to you “_______,” now clap, give the Lord a “clap offering,” and the list goes on and on. The feeling is on of manipulation. Spontaneous responses are compelling and obvious – they touch the heart and say inside that “Wow, look what God is doing.” Manipulated or coerced actions can be more for the benefit of those leading and wanting to see a visual response. I think the leaders usually have good intention and motives… however, more is often lost than gained. I think this is even more true for men… women may take it all in stride or enjoy it… but men?!? Could this be part of the reason many men don’t like to go to church? By the way, I have been in ministry over 25 years in Baptist settings where all of these things have been experienced… and usually done away with over time. Why not simply encourage leaders (and yourself as a pastor) to spend time before and after the service meandering, visiting, “touching,” hugging, laughing, praying for others, etc.
I used to be an introvert but knowing that we have that time of greeting old friends and new / first timers, I’ve become more outgoing and has led me to be more bold in sharing my faith outside the church. David F. Scholl
I agree with Aaron. It’s NOT just a “stand up and greet” time, although that’s what it has become in most churches. I think we need to talk about the role this part plays theologically and liturgically and reframe it to (possibly) what its original intents might have been.
Thanks to these posters–I find this thread of comments helpful. As member or regular attender of several churches in different cities for a few years apiece, I have long loathed the seemingly universal “stand and greet” portion of services. Too short to have a meaningful exchange, and very disruptive of whatever engagement with music/scripture/sermon had been taking place. The result has always felt very contrived, and generally made me feel less connected to the people sitting around me than I otherwise would. If I know them well, then cramming a forced acknowledgement into a 3-minute (or is it going to be 5 minutes? Should I go ahead and ask how their mother is?) window feels like practice for interacting in a controlled, structured, shallow way. If I don’t know them well, or at all, then any warmth that might be conveyed from a handshake and hello is robbed of genuineness by the mutual knowledge that “the pastor made me do it.” That said, I think there would be value, in a liturgical/theological sense, in sort of ritually linking ourselves so that we can worship and engage with God corporately–something akin to the lighting of candles that takes place during many Christmas services, or holding hands while singing the benediction. I think what makes those things good to me is that they are not at all about engaging with one another, but about joining together to engage with God. So, in conclusion, I think stand-and-greet is a terrible and counter-productive way to try to build community, or sow the seeds of meaningful relationships, but there might be a (less faux-personal and interactive) way to do it that would actually enhance worship.
Very good insights Jordan. Meaningful connection pointed in the right direction.
My Episcopalian church doesn’t exactly a stand and greet time. That has spontaneously evolved into a stand, walk around for five minutes, and greet everyone in the nave, both sides, from front to back time. And I, an introvert, love it. I think we do a good job of including strangers; I can see how it might be too much contact for a few people. It is certainly not “controlled, structured.” If anything, it may be a little too chaotic, but we’re working as a parish on embracing the messiness of life.
I notice that some of these objections are contradictory: one the one hand some people feel they as visitors were left out, but on the other some visitors who didn’t want so much contact were put off.
I agree it is a time where others in the Church can reach out welcoming them and letting them know they are wanted.
I agree with Aaron. I am a relatively new pastor (6 months), and the meet and greet time has been a very helpful tool for learning names and making connections.
That said, I think our church would benefit from understanding the liturgical/worship component more clearly. We don’t do meet and greet simply to be nice, though that is important, but to remind ourselves that one of the central tasks of the church is fellowship and community. In other words, meet and greet isn’t simply hang out time, it’s teaching time (teaching by doing). But the teaching component of meet and greet would be more effective if we occasionally reminded our congregation of why we do it.
You do that before and after worship — not DURING worship ! Worship is for God – that is why you are there !!!
EXACTLY! Make it a priority to have a solid greeting program and to have lots of opportunities for fellowship before and after the service! Not DURING worship.
Why don’t you take the time and find out who your registered bretheran are and make an appt. to go around the neighborhoods where they live and introduce yourself? Our priest; yrs. back; many more congregants then, did that!
God rest his soul; no one has done it since and now, there is a shortage of Catholic priests and we have 1 young priest for 2 Catholic Churches.
Too bad they don’t import/invite some English speaking Fillipino priests into these dioceases where the priests are needed.
The way you describe it and the way it is done in many non-liturgical fellowships is REALLY different. We are told, “Turn around and greet someone you don’t know,” and that is like a bad ice breaking activity. Given a piece of liturgy to make the service more interactive is different.
As far as greeting homeless people or other newcomers, I think it is more effective to have a “meet and greet” team or some such group of people who have a desire to welcome total strangers. There are also other methods that I have seen churches instigate that have drawn newcomers in, but I have yet to hear of anyone giving a testimony that they were drawn to a fellowship with a mindless handshake from a total stranger. Being asked who they are during the coffee hour though . . . .
I have never been drawn by the meet and greet time, especially when urged to by a song leader or other person up on the stage. It makes one feel like a kindergarten kid in a room full of adults. Social times and fellowship should not be forced on strangers as there are always those among us who will take advantage of meeting and talking at the appropriate time, not coerced. The former is genuine while the latter seems phony.
I really thought it was only me who felt stand and greet was awkward. I’m a student pastor and by the time the service starts I’ve already had an opportunity to greet guests and talk with them. I wonder if stand and greet has become an easy answer for churches looking to be “friendly” instead of it happening outside service times. I’m sure there are many churches that are genuine in it, but I would be curious what most churches do outside of this time to connect with guests.
That’s a good question, Paul.
Paul . . . Even as a very small church, we have greeters at the door to welcome people when they arrive & ensure they get a bulletin (which has the order of service on the front & an invitation to join us for a time of fellowship immediately following the service in the rear of our meeting hall; a “word” from the Pastor inside; along with the weekly ministry activities & opportunities & the prayer list on the back) . . . I also try to greet to every guest prior to the service briefly & tell them I hope they’ll be able to stay for our fellowship time following the service so I can get to know them a little better & answer any questions they have . . . Following the service we ask guests to fill out a guest card so we can have a record of their time with us . . . We use that information to have someone in the congregation send a personal hand written note thanking them for choosing to worship with us & inviting them to join us again . . .
I’ve served in churches over the years where the order of service is rather different in arrangement. One of the things I noticed is the break in the worship set for “meet and greet” is also the same place where other churches do public Scripture reading and pastoral prayer.
I would be interested in knowing if churches who do “meet and greet” in their services also set aside time for Scripture reading and corporate prayer. I don’t want to add fuel to the argument, but I would make a case that Scripture reading and pastoral prayer are more biblically faithful in liturgy and can also appeal to new people.
For example, we read from Scripture out of the same “pew Bible” guests have in front of them. We invite them to use it, telling them what page number it is on (in case they have never opened a Bible). We also tell them that if they don’t have a Bible of their own, we would gladly request that they take the Bible home and make it their own as a gift from our church. From the consistent re-ordering of Bibles, it seems to be appealing to non-Christians and new people who attend our services.
We do have an informal “meet and greet” after the services in two locations for new people to connect with us, but we use what I call a “velcro team” to help make that happen. Velcro helps things stick, and a velcro team is a group of volunteers who are assigned first-time guests that day (rather covertly) and are stationed where they can naturally make contact with a guest after the service and walk with them to the connection centers, help them find a small group, pray with them, meet a pastor, etc. The velcro team has proven to be one of the most important and ministerially impactful group of volunteers on the “front lines” of caring for new people in a respectful and yet hospitable way.
Thanks, Tim. I would live to hear a discussion on your comments. Great information!
Insightful comments & great ideas, Tim.
From one who is in search of a new church, due to a move, this visiting thing is right in my face! I love this Velcro idea! It is greeting but unobtrusively. I am a Christian but I LOVE the idea of encouraging those that don’t have a bible to take one!!!! I do find the meet and greet time uncomfortable and I’ve been in church for years! After 30 seconds or so you find yourself standing there alone, awkwardly, while church members wander all over the church.
Thanks for that perspective, Debbie.
Tim, we do all 3 of those elements in the service. Corporate prayer has also been put on the chopping block in some quarters because “guests won’t know what to do” during those times. As with the turn and greet time. . I think it’s better to just show guests “what we do” in those cases and invite them into what we’re already doing.
It is true that there’s a lack of depth in the shorter greet time. But, we’re not really going for alot of depth there. We’re sharing “the peace of Christ” with the person next to us, and that it all for that moment in the service. Like I said earlier, some folks haven’t been touched, physically, all week, and haven’t had anyone say “hi” to them. Certainly many of us have not had anyone share “Christ’s peace” with us in a given week. I think it’s a good idea if you have a greet time without all of the cheesy set ups and relativizing of an important liturgical moment.
Thanks,Aaron.
Tim, thanks so much for these insights. I am a brand new youth minister at my church (as of June 2014), and I am wondering if you had any insights into scaling something like what your church does down to a church that hovers around 200 or less on Sunday morning, and there are a lot of related people in it. I do find our meet and greet time super awkward, but then again, I always have at every church I’ve attended in the past. Right now, we don’t have a small group ministry going on, which I think would be great to have, but since I’m the youth/children guy, and I’m also brand new to this whole thing, so any suggestions and insights would be welcomed! Thank you.
David,
Our church is actually about the same size as yours (depending on the season). I’m assuming you are referring to how I set up the velcro team? If so, here’s how I do it in case you want to give it a try.
Because I know our membership and regular attenders, I can spot first-time guests relatively easily. I try to roam the sanctuary for 10 minutes prior to the service just to hug necks, small chat, and make sure the ushers and what have you are in place. By the time the service starts, I already have a good idea who is new.
Our seating is fanned out. We have six sections of seating. So I created a chart of the seating, noting where all the guests are seated with a brief annotation for each guest(s) (e.g., section 2, back row, family of 4). Once I have completed the notes/annotations, I take a picture of my chart and text it to our velcro team leader who “dispatches” our velcro team members to the assigned guests, also via text.
Texting is not exactly the best way I suppose of doing this, but it is discreet and our team knows to expect to receive their assignment by the time of preaching starts.
The team members (and their family sometimes) will make it their goal to connect with the guest assigned to them while in the sanctuary, politely engage them, and ask if they could assist them in getting connected to our church. They even help fill out the connection card (sometimes folks handwriting it too poor to make out their info).
Granted, there are guests who simply want to slip in and slip out with no desire to talk to anyone, and we do not try to force it. But there are others who are either introverted, shy, or just new to a church environment and don’t know what to do or where to go if they have questions or need help. We make it our point to eliminate that awkwardness and uneasiness by going to them in natural ways and creating easy pathways to next steps (meet a pastor, get info on a small group, pray with them, follow up with the message, counsel if there is a need, lead them to Christ, etc.).
FWIW, we typically average 10-20 first-time guests a Sunday with 50-80 regular attenders (not members) in morning service. I have 8-10 Velcro team members who help us with this.
I hope that helps a little in seeing how I set that up.
What a great observation, Tim! Not to sound pious nor to encourage spiritual arrogance of any kind, but I personally feel a strong sense of conviction that Scripture and prayer ferry more value to the hearts and souls of both the lost AND the found in corporate worship.
With that in mind, I concur with the suggestion to encourage churches to substitute Scripture reading in place of their unstructured greeting time. Everyone should be encouraged (with practiced excellence; no awkward game show improvisations, please) to read aloud, whether they believe, or not. The power of the Spirit to soften hearts through the words of Scripture can’t be overestimated when compared to the extremely minimal and random effect of verbalizing Christ’s peace, albeit a great encouragement between disciples.
Wow, that to me is a great effort at servanthood by your church. I’ve always enjoyed feeding kids before church, especially bus riders who may not have anything at home. Your bible program is a great way to provide for newcomers (spiritually feeding) AND I’m sure is seen as genuinely generous.
I was pondering a casual greeting time before or after the service, and how much more comfortable and genuine that may be for a newcomer (also it’s not OBLIGATORY on their part), when I stumbled upon your post.
I personally don’t care for “meet and greet” during the service. It’s so awkward, and I have never made long term relationships through that time, either as a member or a newcomer.
thank you for that post Tim. I think a good Twitter poll would be SBC pastors have you ever heard of the regulative principle of worship?
I am not saying shaking hands greeting can’t fit within a regulative principle view but I don’t think many give any thought to it.
I also struggle with seeing what takes place of scripture reading and prayer in many instances. I have been in churches were there was regular public reading of the word apart from sermon yet when there is special children’s music or a testimony or some other special time I then notice that the scripture reading has been dropped to fit it in presumably.
Kenneth,
My guess that the meet and greet was included as an attempt to create a formal way of doing greetings in services. As Dr. Rainer mentioned, I do think they probably present more problems than they do solve the need to for hospitality.
If there is a gospel culture in the church, a generous and gracious disposition will be present informally among the members. I think that is the better way than the somewhat coerced “meet and greet.” If members are taught to “welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you” (Rom 15:7), then the hospitality and fellowship will simply be the outworking or overflow of people who are living in the good of the gospel. In other words, treating new people will be an intentional way of commending the gospel as those who have been accepted by God. The most qualified people to engage first-time visitors are not necessarily the most outgoing or gregarious but rather who are experiencing and enjoying grace. After all, I think that is what beat-down sinners and worn-out legalists need the most.
Good thoughts from everyone … I think the “meet and greet” time can be effective if placed properly. For example, Tim, your connection time after service.
We open our services with a few announcements, followed by a time of greeting each other before we head into our first song. We do have Scripture reading and corporate prayer in the service.
I also think each church has a personality, and it matters what you do based on the personality of your church. The church I pastor is small and familial, and we have visitors almost every Sunday who, from the moment they enter the door, are greeted warmly and welcomed/ushered to the right SS class or talked to as they find a seat for the service.
The personality of our church is warm, friendly, and familial. The “meet and greet” time is really just an extension of this. It’s already happening.
I’ve had feedback from visitors (comment cards and letters sent), and the overwhelming response has been “Thank you for making us feel so welcome!”
At Shiloh, we talk, plan, and pray around personal relationship. Our goal is to provide a place of Welcome (The Door of Welcome) as the first step into our cycle of Discipleship.
It works for us, because we are cultivating our personality. Instead of pushing people to a fake 30 seconds with visitors, we are building on the warmth and vitality that really is already the foundation of our relationship with our community.
Blessings!
Because this poll was conducted on your twitter account, I assume that most respondents are “churched” people. I wonder if they are a little more critical of churches because they are familiar with them. Someone who isn’t quite so familiar with church might not be as opinionated about what happens during a service. I’m not sure. Either way, I’m curious what you would advise a church of our size to do. We have about 100 people on Sunday mornings and we are a pretty close body of believers. Our greeting time isn’t just a thirty second handshake with those on either side of you. People actually walk around the room to shake hands with as many people as they can – and those who are especially comfortable with each other will hug. I believe that many of the people in our congregation are sincerely kind and genuinely care about one another and our visitors. Many go out of their way to welcome guests. I guess my question is – do we get rid of the greeting time just in case we have a visitor show up who is uncomfortable with it? Or keep it because those that are members of our body love the opportunity to hug and greet one another – like a normal family does after not seeing each other for several days? Even if a visitor doesn’t care for it, doesn’t it still communicate to them that we are a group of people that love each other? (I suppose it depends what the greeting time looks like. In our church it does not look like what many of your poll responders described). We have visitors every week so it’s important to me that we are doing everything we can to connect with them.
The respondents were pretty evenly divided between Christians and non-Christians.
I always conveniently walk out for five minutes during handshake time. I was unable to do that today, stuck in between two ladies. I noticed after we shook hands, the lady next to me put on hand sanitizer, so I did too, then the other lady did too. My mom calls it hypocrisy, but no, it’s just courtesy, how can you tell people no I don’t do handshakes at church, it wouldn’t make sense.
Our church greet time was 10 timed minutes of walking around and shaking hands with the admonishment from the pulpit to “shake hands because you are friendly.” This greeting time replaced the old prayer and praise time in which people would share their prayer requests or give a praise report of answered prayer. During flu season my husband and I were particularly stressed out over this lengthy greeting time and finally decided to quietly ask people who came over to just nod their head in greeting. We even shared our main concern. Our daughter was on chemo. We were suppose to isolate ourselves and her from germs for months at a time. Yet we felt the need for the spiritual strength received at church so we would leave her home and go to church. We did not walk around but if someone came to greet us we told them the above as kindly as possible trying not to hurt their feelings yet fully expecting them to understand our situation and our hesitancy at shaking hands, or hugging and kissing. Each person we spoke to was mad or offended. Some told us off and accused us of being unchristian. After this experience I view this practice as a just habit by parishioners and a time filler by the pastor.
I never tire of saying, “May Christ’s Peace be with you!” When the reply comes, “and, with you”, it brings joy. Christ is here with us, He is the one doing the blessing.
Thanks, Rick.
And also: Christ is born! Glorify Him! or Christ is risen! Truly He is risen! Liturgical greetings are lovely. I started doing liturgical greetings even when I was Evangelical because it just seemed to make more sense in the context of a church service than “how’s is going?” “Going alright.”
I wonder whether we are framing the question such that “stand and greet time” is seen as something cultural rather than liturgical. That might be an extreme of terminology, but how many times does Paul close his letters by telling the readers to greet people? We do not go to church in isolation, we go WITH our local gathering of believers. Certainly, people will greet their friends automatically when they see them, but there’s something about greeting the people who aren’t necessarily in your social circle but who ARE gathered with you for corporate worship.
On the other hand, I wonder if “stand and greet time” has become a watered down version of “passing the peace,” leading to its losing its liturgical/spiritual meaning.
Good question, Eric.
Interesting point John. From reading the post and the comments, I see two needs that are perhaps being conflated with each other. One is to greet visitors and make them feel welcome in ways that are not overbearing. The other is to include in the liturgy/worship service a way to communicate that we need to be reconciled with each other and with God. I am not sure the “meet and greet” during the service necessarily accomplishes the latter. I experienced one variation on this in an Orthodox church that was very powerful. At the time of the peace, the priest came down from the altar and greeted the first person in each row with a ritualized exchange (in this case, a kiss on each cheek and a greeting of peace) and then that person turned and “passed the peace” to the person next to them. To me this symbolized that the peace comes from the altar and is intentional that it is a part of the service.
We don’t have a “stand and greet time”, or a greeter, but when we enter the sanctuary, each of us walk around and greet our members. New members are also mentioned by the pastor. Its an option.
For me, this is the least uplifting part of the church service (well, maybe the announcements are there too, especially if these are anywhere but the end of the service). If it is absolutely necessary, do it at the very beginning of the service as the band/pianist/organist/whatever musicians starts to play. The service host/worship leader can say something along the lines of “As we begin our time of worship, if you haven’t already done so take a moment to greet those around you.” The meet-and-greet after a song or two disrupts the hard work the worship leader has to do to set the table for the message and get the congregation’s hearts and minds on God. Just my 2 cents (from a former worship leader/executive pastor).
Thanks, John.
When as a lost person I visited a church I felt really welcomed when people would come introduce themselves and shake my hand and welcome me to church. I visited two churches and the first one did it but no one really seemed very welcoming when they did it and the second one did. I got saved at the second church and have been a member ever since. We recently stopped doing it for some unknown reason and I miss it. I feel a personal connection is a very good way to show the love of Christ.
That’s helpful. Thanks, Vickie.
So how do we do the right thing. I read all these comments and each appears to have merits and issues. No matter what we do we will make some happy and welcome….others alienated. One gets saved….another never comes back. Maybe the overall “personality” of the congregation determines it.
This past week we celebrated the Lord’s Supper. So I asked our church family to focus on welcoming the LORD into this service rather than ‘welcome’ one another. I reminded them of the reverence for which we were preparing ourselves. Can you guess what happened after the opening prayer? Some of our congregants either were not listening to this pastor’s plea or they were going to welcome one another either way. It is sometimes difficult to get disciples to filter out all the religious and rote activities from their lives and worship as we strive to get them to devote themselves to the LORD first and foremost.
At our church, the greeting time is a core value and an important part of our service. Several years ago, the church actually decided to remove some seating to better facilitate people’s circulation through the sanctuary at greeting time! It is not just a “greet those around you” time. It is a full five minutes of moving through the sanctuary and greeting in the name of Christ. Members of the worship team come down off the stage while the pianist remains and plays (and people always come up to greet her, too, while she’s playing). The pastor, all of the kids, and everyone in between joins in this time of fellowship.
One of the most remarkable things about our greeting time is observing how new attenders engage in it. At their first service, they usually stand in place while others come to greet them. Within a few Sundays, they are greeting those around them. Soon, they are fully engaged in walking through the sanctuary, and we know they are feeling connected and a part of the congregation.
I do agree that the greeting time would not be as successful if visitors were not also given a warm welcome when they enter the church and another when they leave. We have greeters before the service who are welcoming without being too “in your face” and the pastor and his wife stand at the door to say good-bye following the service as well.
I am a minister, and I recently visited the church in which I grew up. Before the service started, I saw the pastor walking around speaking to people. He walked right past me without speaking. One person spoke to me before the service, and he was someone I went to high school with. During the “greeting” time, one couple spoke to me. After the service, no one spoke to me. Did I feel welcomed? Not one bit.
Here are a few of my observations:
1) If the church members are not going to be friendly and welcoming before and after the service, the time of greeting is a waste of time. If members have to be told (forced) to greet people, then stop doing it. The better solution is to train members to speak to people before and after the service.
2) Church members generally will walk past people they don’t know to speak to their friends. This is a natural tendency, so we need to work on getting our people to be genuinely welcoming before and after the service.
3) Some people are not very hygenic, (wiping their noses, etc) and I don’t want to shake their hands.
4) First time guest may not be used to our customs, so what we think of as normal may seem odd to them, therfore may make them uncomfortable.
I try to put myself in the shoes of a first time guest and think like them. I ask myself the question, ‘how would I want to be treated?’.
The bottom line is that I think we are well intentioned and want to make guests feel welcome, but to often we think that guest should think like us, and be like us, but they are not.
When our family gets together we hug and greet as they arrive and before we leave. We don’t sit down, ask the blessing on the meal, then get up and greet each other before we eat…..we eat. I prefer when, hopefully early in the service time, there is a transition of focus. Where we would intentionally turn from “us time” to focus on God. The meet and greet time and most announcement time is focused on us rather than on the One we claim to worship.
The ‘meet and greet’ appears as an awkward attempt at forced fellowship. It also may be traditional, and even be seen as a ‘worship ice-breaker.’ At any rate, both my wife and myself, would much rather not have the ‘meet and greet’ as part of the service agenda.
Totally agree. After all, making real connections takes more than a five-second handshake. Even if the music is quiet, about all you have time for is “good morning”. Or worse, “how are you?”
To me, this isn’t an issue of whether we should make new people feel welcome. I don’t think anybody’s seriously debating that. The issue is whether there’s a good reason to have such a “meet & greet” when we know it actively makes certain people uncomfortable.
And on the other hand, just because it makes somebody uncomfortable isn’t an ironclad reason to not do something. But there needs to be some sensitivity here.
For example, last Sunday the pastor told us to pair off and pray, audibly, for a certain event coming up. For most people I think it was at least a little awkward. The person sitting next to my wife left immediately afterward. My wife is pretty sure the lady was a newcomer, but she’s not sure.
If she *was* a newcomer, and she left because of the “praying out loud” thing, does that mean praying out loud is inherently a bad thing? Definitely not. Maybe we should be doing it more, not less. I’m sure we could put together a solid sermon about how we need to pray more, and pray with and for others.
But it occurs to me that we also have a whole chapter of the Bible (Romans 14) that talks about being gracious in disputable matters. So the things that we decide that we need to make people do should be chosen with that idea in mind.
And I really think that standing up and greeting one another (*especially* if you’re more likely to be talking about football than Jesus!) is one of the more disputable of disputable matters.
I find this whole topic interesting because at my church this is one of the highlights of the service. We have a very warm and welcoming congregation and people just love one another so much that the greeting time sometimes goes longer than it’s supposed to and we have to give some sort of cue from the worship team or lead pastor that it’s time to sit back down. Time and time again, one of the top things first time guests say they love about Christ Fellowship is how friendly and welcoming people are. I’ve seen in some of the comments that people say the church folks are only friendly for 90 seconds during the welcome time, but that’s not the case with us so I can’t really relate to those views. Needless to say, I don’t think we’ll be stopping the practice of greeting each other anytime soon.
Amen Matt. We have to interrupt our welcome time to get on with the service too. It’s energizing. It’s one of the main reasons that guests come back to our church!
We have this time at both churches where we attend (we are members of one, but we really love the other one, too). The last church where we were members also had this practice. There are many reasons I think it’s a great idea. The most important being I may not get a chance to communicate with some of those people the rest of the week.
Anyway, I don’t have a problem with it. I would ask anyone who does to examine themselves to see if they might be hiding a motive against fellowship.
“Hiding a motive against fellowship”?
First, speaking to your friends for a couple of minutes during the middle of a worship service is not true fellowship as described in Scripture. True fellowship happens on a daily basis.
Secondly, while you are catching up with your friends, first time guests are often being overlooked.
Thirdly, chatting with your friends during the middle or worship takes the focus off of who we are there to worship.
I challenge anyone who thinks the highlight of gathering on Sunday is to talk to your friends to evaluate themselves as to whether they really understand true worship.
If we are expressing love, that is definitely worship. Please do not under estimate that we are the body of Christ. Worship includes our uniting together.
I’m always amazed at the people who think that if something works at their church then every other chuch has a moral obligation to do it.
I posted the before-mentioned article on my Facebook wall and a few of my friends said they hated the stand and greet time. Some of them mentioned the very reasons you have listed here (germ issues and the sense that it is fake).
I don’t remember practicing the stand and greet time when I was in the Philippines. I didn’t miss it at all. I’d much rather sing another worship song with that time–there is plenty of time to talk with people before and after the service. I’m sure being an introvert has something to do with this, but the stand and greet time really interrupts things for me and comes across as very superficial.
I serve with a local Baptist Association and am in a lot of different churches, and I agree with you Dr. Rainer. What I have observed when most church do this it is because “everyone else/all the other churches are doing it, so we need to do it as well.” Often times it is acquired and it turns into a “catch-up with my friends time” and it can be disruptive to the overall “flow of the service.” The bigger point that is often missed is that if we are waiting until a “meet and greet time” to speak to and welcome guest and each other, it is too late, why “schedule” what is to be the very essence of the life of a child of God and worship, “meeting with someone.”
I hated it when we first started doing the peace….felt very intimidating and awkward …. NI take the time to seek out folks I have never seen there before and purposely go up to them so they feel included.
We recently re-purposed our “meet and greet.” We moved it to the time after the last song set and right before the sermon. It has become a transition time for our parents with young children to escort their children to the foyer to meet the teachers for children’s worship (thus eliminating a stampede of kids running unescorted down the aisle). This is also the time our praise team moves off the platform, avoiding mass movement during a prayer time. Worshipers are encouraged to “greet those around you.” We run a countdown clock so everyone knows how much time they have. Initially we started with four minutes but have since reduced it to three minutes. As the countdown hits 20 seconds or so, I make my way to the platform to prepare to preach, the house lights become brighter, and I call people back to their seats. I will then lead in a prayer to get our hearts and minds back in focus. This process is explained during the initial welcome so guests will know what to expect at that particular point in the service. It has been well-received in our church.
For the last several years, just prior to the start of our worship celebration, I have encouraged those in attendance to stand and greet those around them. I do this in part, to avoid a “break” in the flow of the service by creating “organized chaos” often created by doing this within the service. I have heard many people testify that they attended a service and no one spoke to them so a “greeting” time makes perfect sense…the key is training members to actually greet someone they don’t know!
Can someone elaborate on the “passing the peace” thing? I am not familiar with it and would like to know more about it. Thanks.
The members of the congregation generally shake hands with those around them and respond with “peace”. You don’t go far from your seat and it doesn’t last long (1 minute). Done right before the great thanksgiving which leads into the canon of the mass (the words before communion).
The Passing of the Peace evolved from the early Christian greeting of the Kiss. Passing of the Peace is a very significant liturgical and theological moment that follows the Confession of Sin and Absolution. It is a sign that we forgive, accept, welcome, and are reconciled to one another in the Body of Christ. We are then properly prepared to move to the Table to receive the grace of God offered in the Bread and Cup.
My church has this practice, and it never gets easier for me. I attend every week, and every week I find it stressful.
Recently I had a cold, so didn’t offer to shake hands. Several people looked startled and puzzled, which made it even more difficult! I’d prefer not EVER shaking hands!
But I’d mostly prefer not “sharing the peace” at all. I find it difficult, and I doubt the sincerity.
For me, the purpose of church is to put away what “I” want and look for what my neighbor wants. If I can take myself away from being the center and see the time as “what can I offer the other” I find even as an introvert I find this time meaningful. However, that said, it means my hospitality is CARING about the other enough to ask “would you like a handshake, a hug, or a simple blessing?” I wonder if we as Christians put greeting the other first rather than criticizing how others “greet me” if this time might not become more meaningful?
Linda, I totally get what you’re saying – and I think it’s a good idea for everybody in the church to think that way.
But it’s also entirely possible that the best way to bless somebody is to *not* have twenty people walk up to them and try to get to know them.
Sometimes a friendly smile at the door, a nice usher to show them to an available seat, and a pastor that says “we’re glad you were here” after the service is enough. In my experience, that’s more than most churches do – even the ones with “stand and greet” times as a part of the service.
Our church does have a stand and greet but we emphasize a time of fellowship. It is at the beginning of the service and provides a time for our children to come for a time with their pastor (me). By the way I am the senior pastor. I have heard many comments from visitors about the warm friendliness if our church. So here is my two cents worth.
I agree that it may be bit uncomfortable or staged for some. But I also agree that we can’t change everything because some don’t like it. We can please everyone. I also agree that it can help introverted members learn to step out of third comfort zone. To sum it all up it depends on the particular church. If it is friendly and warm in nature then this time will reflect that. If not then nothing short of a move from God in the hearts of the members will help.
Also I like the question about scripture and prayer time. We don’t have a choir. Yes we are heatherns. But we have a time set aside for scripture reading other than the sermon and 10 plus minutes of prayer. During that time we reflect on God’ presence and pray for others. It is a very powerful time.
Okay to stop chasing rabbits like a good preacher. This time should not single out visitors by raised hand or standing etc. I don’t like this. But it can be a great time for all. It all depends on the nature of the church. Each is different.
Thanks for the thought provoking posts and for all the responses I have read. God bless each one in your church.
We are able to also use the fellowship time to allow a transition time for parents to check/sign their kids in to the children’s ministry. Parents are often able to get to know the other parents in this time. Also our fellowship time is around 15mins. We have refreshments and coffee for people to enjoy. It sounds like from the comments that there is a right way and a wrong way to do a fellowship time. Still interesting to see so many want to be apart of a community and yet not getting to know other people.
Both of the churches that I pastor have this time of shaking hands or whatever else I come up with. I also believe it is artificial and awkward. In the larger church that I pastor, it is done after the offering and allows for the choir to get down from the area behind me. I am not sure what else to do during this time. Any thoughts? I am not a fan of doing things because we have always done it that way and the larger church is extremely set in its ways. Anytime anything is changed there is backlash.
You might consider a time of important church announcements to replace the meet & greet.
Dr. Rainer, My church – Rock Springs Baptist Church, Easley, SC – is widely-recognized by visitors & members alike as one of the warmest and friendliest churches that people have ever seen. Just yesterday in our Bible Fellowship Class (Sunday School), a gentleman, now retired after having been moved 17 times in his working career, voluntarily testified that in the 17 previous churches in which he had been a member, never had a single one of them come close to making him feel as welcome as has been his experience at Rock Springs.
Yes, we still do stand & greet time. And sometimes our pastor, Dr. David Gallamore, will advise that, if we prefer, it’s OK to do the ‘knuckle or the elbow bump.’ But it’s not the external anatomical body part that’s important. At Rock Springs, we believe that true Christian fellowship begins internally. That’s why many times you’ll see our handshakes accompanied by hugs during our stand & greet time.
But stand & greet time is NOT the only time we reach out to each other and to our guests. From our shuttle bus drivers to our welcome center attendants to our greeters to our ushers to our deacons to our pastor and staff, our desire is that when you leave our campus, you’ll say, as did the Psalmist, “I was GLAD when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the Lord!”
Come to see us soon. We always have an ample supply of anti-bacterial hand sanitizer.
Yes, please don’t tell us a silly phrase to repeat as we are instructed to stand and greet; it’s awkward enough to go through the motions. On this blog and the original, a few people mention that there are some who never experience physical contact except during the stand and greet time on Sundays. Should we feel obligated to supply someone’s desire/need for touching and being touched? Please, no! I do not think that is an appropriate expectation. I love hugging my family but am extremely uncomfortable with physical contact to or from other people. I especially have a need/desire *not* to be touched by strangers in any group gathering, including a church. Just worship alongside me and I will speak warmly and spontaneously to you either before or after service. Let’s get rid of a forced stand and greet time. — One suggestion: If a few lonely, grandmotherly women have hugs to offer and do not mind receiving hugs in abundance, please consider volunteering in the preschool department or nursing homes.
Our church has a meet and greet time and yet we retain nearly 75% of our visitors. I think churches are trying too hard to commercialize church to be seeker sensitive. The bottom line is preach the Word, pray, love the people and the church will grow. In the early church unity, prayer and preaching grew the church. They didn’t use a purpose-driven book, argue about church greetings, or buy the newest church growth book from Lifeway. We can have all the programs and plans in the world but if we are not on our knees fervently in prayer, it is all in vain. Everyone is trying to copy the growing church down the road instead of getting alone with God in the prayer closet and asking Him what they should do. However, I do enjoy reading Thom Rainer’s posts because they are thought provoking
I don’t quite know what to think about the “forced fellowship” issue while looking at it through a guests eyes. I can see how they could be uncomfortable with it. But as a pastor/minister it is a connection point with regular attenders and I do think that has value.
I minister in one church and they have a coffee break just after praise & worship right before the preaching. Everyone get us leaves the auditorium and gets a cup of coffee and they chat with each other. This isn’t a small church either. They are growing and have been for many years. The pastor coined the phrase “forced fellowship” to describe the event.
I do think people are hungry for relationships and I do think we can to better at being genuine and caring for those who come seeking.
Peace,
Jimmie
I am an extrovert and have been in church since I was 10 and I hate the stand and greet each other time. It seems fake and is uncomfortable. My vote is to get rid of that time during the worship service. An alternative that I liked. We visited a church this summer that had a well defined coffee room across from the worship center doors. If visitors wanted to be greeted, they could go there before/after service and get to know members. This seemed much better to me.
We do a “stand-up-meet-and-greet” every service…for 3 whole minutes (*gasp*)! The idea is not to see how many surface-y “hellos” you can squeeze in but really create a warm atmosphere of togetherness in worship. There’s so much shallow individuality in churches (and the world). Lots of people would visit our church for multiple weeks and eventually stop coming because they thought we were unfriendly and they didn’t know how to get to know anyone. Rather than create a team (or system) whose “job” it was to be friendly, we decided to make it our culture.
Frankly, it’s working.
It was awkward at first. There were a few of our folks who insisted we knock it off. Knock of being welcoming and friendly? Bizarre. But new people are staying! Not all of them. But a lot of them. More than before. And many of them, when I ask why they stayed, is because they felt welcomed.
I’m a classic introvert. I hated church meet-and-greets before I was a Christian too. But I would never have asked a church to stop trying to be friendly to make me comfortable. The church is representing a new humanity to a world that is cold and hostile. Make no apologies for this. And provide hand-sanitizer if you need to.
Let me rise in defense of “fellowship time.”
1. Many guests are introverts.
I don’t think the comfort level of the congregant is a sacred-cow. This shouldn’t matter when thinking of the validity of the practice. If it is healthy for the body to be force to greet each other, then it is healthy. If it is bad for the body, then don’t do it. #1 sounds too much like it is on the slippery slope to man-pleasing, than God-pleasing. Further, many guests are extroverts, what about them? This is fallacious.
2. Some guests perceive that the members are not sincere during the time of greeting.
That’s because some member’s aren’t sincere. It is the same as witness or holy living. They are faked sometimes, and that doesn’t give a verdict on the practice.
3. Many guests don’t like the lack of hygiene that takes place during this time.
Seriously? “You’re gross and I don’t want to touch you?” I can’t think of any concept further from the early church fellowship than that. Keep a little bottle of sanitizer with you if this is an issue.
4. Many times the members only greet other members.
Again, same as #2, this is legit. And it is wrong. And it isn’t relevant to whether the practice should be in the local church.
5. Both members and guests at some churches perceive the entire exercise is awkward.
This is similar to #1, I know many who love it wholesale.
6. In some churches, the people in the congregation are told to say something silly to one another.
That’s strange. I have experienced fellowship time every week for 40 years in 3 different churches and have never experienced that. Thom, why include this one? Because “some” make a mockery of it doesn’t bear at all on the question of its validity.
7. Not only don’t some guests dread the stand and greet time, so do some members.
Some dread the singing, some dread the sermon, many dread the offering. How is this anything other than man-centered thinking.
Each of these deals with the individual’s wants. Not once is the individual’s desire weighed against the health of the body. Is this practice healthy for the body? If yes, then proceed. If no, then stop.
We have a example/mandate of showing love thru intimate greeting (1 Cor. 16:20; 1 Thess. 5:26; Peter 5:14). If not this, then what?
Thanks, I know the post was long.
Not to be argumentative, but I think you’re drawing a false dichotomy with #1. It may be healthy for some people and not healthy for others.
There are people who don’t take communion because of gluten sensitivity. I realize they’re a minority, but should we force-feed them communion because it’s a critical symbol of Christ’s atoning sacrifice? After all, it’s good for the church to receive communion….right?
I also know churches that serve actual wine as part of communion. Should those churches force recovering alcoholics to drink the wine? It’s completely Biblical, after all – it’s what Jesus drank. If they can’t be like Jesus why should we have them in our church?
There are many examples like this, and there are entire chapters of the Bible that talk about not putting stumbling blocks in somebody else’s way.
I think there’s a point to be firm – on core doctrine and salvation issues – and a point where you just have to take somebody’s word for it that a given thing is a stumbling block, and let it be.
> If not this, then what?
“The Holy Kiss” described by Paul is not the same as “meet and greet” practiced in contemporary Christianity, which, in turn, is not the same as “The Passing of the Peace” as found in liturgical Christianity.
I have to confess that I didn’t care much for the meet and greet in the previous church that we are attending because it did feel artificial and forced. However, I have been called to pastor a small country church and the feel is much different with our greeting time. We don’t single out guests when they visit publicly, but the members aver very intentional about welcoming any guests in our service. In fact, we just had a young couple to join our church last week. They had been looking for a church in the area for 4 years. They said ours was the first that they had visited during that time where they had felt welcome. None of the other churches they visited made an effort to greet them at any time.
I ask myself what good it does, or can do.
Then I ask what negative impact it might have.
Lastly, I conclude it contributes nothing to the worship of God, or the adoration of His Son, nor is it more comfortable for introverted members than it is for first-time visitors.
The purpose for people to get up and greet is so they can be “that community” the church is supposed to be.
Problem: It takes more than 30 seconds of meet and greet to be a community.
A church I was previously at had an area where the coffee and donuts sat at with tables and chairs which was like a little cafe. I believe churches having these areas create more of an environment for people to converse thus creating that community.
Meet and greet realistically doesn’t work.
Thom,
Love your stuff!
We do the stand and greet. We also send out “First Impression” Cards where first-time visitors are asked what they like best and least. In a decade of sending these cards (which are pre-stamped, and returned anonymously), I have had not even one person tell us they disliked the stand and greet time.
This whole discussion is a surprise to me, just as it was to you. However, we are continually reexamining what we do with the aim of serving Him and others with excellence.
Thanks for helping us reflect.
THIS IS A HILL I’M WILLING TO DIE ON!! Just kidding. But, I do think that in smaller churches pastors/worship leaders are a little timid of removing this element because some members will act this way. My first pastorate would point out visitors from the pulpit and “welcome” them and we also sang happy birthday to any with birthdays that week (including visitors if we got them to raise their hands when we asked who had a birthday that week). We moved away from both but I could tell some members “missed” doing both and didn’t agree with the change. Some members see it as a wonderful act of hospitality and can’t fathom who would object. Just one of those weird issues we pastors have to deal with.
Thom,
We are an average size Baptist Church in the US, and we do have a time of “fellowship” in our “worship” service. We do not have a “Stand (or Meet) and Greet) time, we actually take time to fellowship and we believe fellowship is an important part of corporate worship. We base this on our belief that the early church, meeting in homes, would have been a much more corporately intimate worship experience than we experience in most churches today.
While our Worship services always have an evangelistic element, neither evangelism nor outreach are primary elements nor purpose of our corporate worship. We teach that evangelism and outreach are the “as you go” responsibility of every member of the church.
It seems to me that most churches are more interested in putting on a good show so they can become “big” than they are corporately worshipping God. It’s almost like we come together to individually worship God. We are growing, but not with the goal of growing a mega campus, which is not very likely in Utah, but with the goal of replication, both individually and with campuses.
My final thought. really consists more of questions. Not that I don’t think people on Twitter should have a voice, or that this has generated good discussion, but I do wonder if a twitter survey is a fair representation. Additionally, from the comments, it appears that the descriptions of a greeting time vary greatly. We may need to further define what exactly we are calling a greeting time, in what size church, how naturally it takes place, etc, to have a clear discussion.
This is a great topic, but I would have liked better data and more clearly defined parameters. Could this lead to a larger, but better defined study?
Thank you for challenging us!
Scott
Before welcome time we give away free bottles of hand sanitizer and then afterwards we let them know we only do this on alternating Sundays so they can come next week if it made them feel awkward! If we catch any members greeting anyone one other than members and not enjoying it sincerely we remove them from the church roll! 🙂
I so wish churches would abandon the “passing the peace” moments. I’m a long time church goer and a specialized clergy person (and introvert). They are always awkward. I”ve just never had the guts to express that I hate it because it’s such a big “should” most churches live with. The fact that visitors don’t like it makes me bold enough to say please chuck it. Chuck it now.
Until reading this article I was all for the stand and greet time and I have even encouraged that our congregation do it EVERY week. I loved this opportunity to get to know those around me and those new to the services. However, I am also an extrovert and I really do enjoy these kinds of things.
The article has however caused me to be more considerate of those that are wired differently and it brings to mind a friend that is so introverted that I know if this kind of event took place during his first visit at a church you could count on never seeing him again. Many new visitors are already self-conscious and uneasy during their first visit that they don’t need their uneasiness to be compounded by things like this, or being told to turn and say something funny to a complete stranger. For heave sakes!, that even makes me feel uneasy!
Most introverts like to meet people on their own terms and comfort level. Possibly the best time for meet & greet is before and after the service when meeting and greeting can be done on everyone’s own personal comfort level.
Some new comers complain that not one single person greeted me at that church and others complain that they were so overwhelmed that it scared them away. I guess striking a happy balance can be difficult to do.
Hal, to me it’s the difference between an intentional practice and a flash mob. The “meet & greet” is the “flash mob” mode. Just have everybody wander around, and hope everybody gets appropriately welcomed.
Whereas a little bit of planning can put somebody at the door of the building with a greeting and a bulletin, somebody at the door of the sanctuary to help the new people find a seat, and a pastor at the exit of the sanctuary after the service.
Three intentional people as opposed to a randomized mob in the middle of the service.
This is just another symptom of the self-centered, me-centered, selfish condition of people (and church people) today. Too many want anonymity, even “in church”. Even the possibility of a personal connection is a threat… and is truly a sad statement.
So, Michael, everyone should think exactly as you think or they are wrong. Isn’t that what we are hearing from our Government and the extremes in our society today? We are told we are intolerant, and hate-fulled if we don’t think or believe the same way or comply. I am basically an introvert, yet I mix with people all the time, but I can’t stand to do it during a Worship Service. It is often extremely awkward. If it works in some churches, then by all means it should continue. But it doesn’t work in a lot of congregations that I have attended. We ARE told sometimes what to do or say to strangers around us. That is very contrived, insincere, and uncomfortable. Find someone you don’t know, “give them a hug”; punch the person next to you that you have never seen before and say “you are special” This would be great if it were sincere, genuine and natural. I am all for mixing, but NOT during the Worship Service. It is so illogically disruptive. I like the “Flash Mob” example…It’s so apropos!
Hi Thom,
Thanks for posting the results of informal survery. I was surprised at the findings as well. However, the underlying reasons why guests would not like this practice do make sense. I, too, am an introvert. If I were visiting a church for the first time, especially if I was looking for a new church home, I’d rather be “in the background”, assessing what I’m seeing rather than getting “thrown into things” at the very start.
I thought I was the only one who found this practice annoying. How many times have I been told: “Find five people you don’t know and tell them Jesus loves them.” Really!?! There might not even be five visitors at our church that day. And if I did find them, why would they believe a stranger?
Your insights are helpful since it reminds us that what we think might be a good way of interacting with the unchurched or those seeking for a church home might be just the opposite.
Sickness!! I pleaded and pleaded for my church to stop this. Finally I just didn’t participate. I just waved at the ones passing me by. My immune system is low and I was always getting sick. Once I stopped participating, I wasn’t as sick!! Then a couple of months later the act was just removed from the routine. I was very thankful. I now attend a different church and got to figure out how to politely convey my issue along with the ones posted.
I am a staff member of a traditional church that does this almost every Sunday. Although I have been to churches in the past that did not take part in this, I believe this is a great time to share a smile and a greeting to someone you may not catch before they dart out of the door for Sunday lunch. I am a proponent of attempting to make the church a place that everyone feels comfortable to linger after the service is over to meet and greet.
Before I came on staff here, I was part of a church plant team that got to see a church grow from nothing to over 200 attendees every Sunday morning in 2 years. It was an incredible time, but the biggest complaint that we had was that there was not a meet and greet time. With my experience in modern church plants and contemporary churches, the start time may be concrete, but the time when attendees show us is very blurred. Due to this, there is not a vast amount of time for people to meet and greet. I do not feel overarching decision can be made on this topic, rather it should be within the confines of a local church. If you have church members who are very unfriendly, i suggest you not practice, if you have outgoing members who are intentional about making visitors feel welcome, I feel this practice could set your church apart. People may not attend the church again because they felt awkward, but they will attend if they are able to make a connection with one individual during that first meeting.
I pastor a small rural church where this has been the tradition. I personally prefer the “natural” greeting that happens before and after services. For many of the reasons mentioned, I tried to eliminate the “greet time” and had immediate backlash. The proponents I think are more readily willing to share their opinion, and those that would rather it go away, tend to be quieter. If the folks are greeting everyone as they enter, and looking for visitors to greet, the “greet time” seems repetitive and disruptive. Some traditions die hard.
Great article and great comments!! I love to read varying perspectives. I’m always cautious to classify a cultural or individual preference as the prescribed answer for effectiveness. We do the greet. We do the corporate prayer. We read Scripture corporately. We even occasionally have some presenters that may sometimes come off as a game show host, not because they are cheesy, but they are genuinely those “you can’t really be this happy” kind of people. However, I’ve got enough years under my belt to realize that the body of Christ is made of many parts, each unique, each wonderfully designed. If a church is reaching their community for Jesus, I have no desire to change what works for them. If every church were identical in methods, we would all be reaching a lot less people. Not every guest will connect to every church – in fact, most church folk don’t even know what it means to commit to a body of believers; but if a guest doesn’t feel a fit at our church, there is always one around the corner. Because I care more about building the Kingdom than my church, I am the first to recommend a church that may be a better fit for them. I am thankful that not every church looks and acts like mine! We are better together.
Thanks for provoking my brain this morning.
When I was in a synodical, liturgical church in my youth, the meet and greet time was the moment in the service when we felt able to let down our hair a bit, if you will, the one “casual” moment in the service. But not for long. It was unique and limited, with a basic scripted greeting, and easy to pull back into the larger liturgy. Now so many churches are casual in everything they do, all the time, that the greeting time has lost any helpful meaning. As a rule, the most I can exchange with a guest or individual I haven’t met yet is the suburb they come from. There’s no time to really get to know someone. If the people in the church don’t care about me before the service, and don’t care about me after the service, the little greeting time in the middle is going to seem all the more false. When I really want to flee is when people get up out of their seats and start crossing the sanctuary to greet their friends and tell them something they just can’t wait until the service is over to share, when they’re going to lunch anyway. The time becomes a feeling of chaos in what would otherwise be an orderly hour (or 2). Introducing chaos into a large group setting rubs my psyche the wrong way (God is a God of order, right?), tho we have a handful of friends who love large chaotic groups and events. Anyway, fun, fascinating discussion. Maybe next time we can talk about how we feel about people who bring COFFEE into the service every week……. :oD
The thing that seems to be missing from much of the conversation is this: Does the welcome/greeting time serve a theological purpose?
I believe a strong case can be made for “yes it does,” but only when intentionality exists in how the time is talked about and facilitated. Paul encourages people to “greet each other with a holy kiss” when gathering for worship (culturally appropriate for its day).
What if greeting each other and having a spirit of hospitality wasn’t primarily about making people feel welcome or comfortable. What if being hospitable towards each other in worship were an ACT of worship itself, in which the church reacted the fellowship of the Triune God?
http://momosmusings.blogspot.com/2014/09/800×600-normal-0-false-false-false-en.html
Ha! I find all of this very entertaining.
I get introverts don’t appreciate this time, but not everyone is an introvert – just 1/3 of us are. So, what about those that crave the human interaction at this time.
Our church (which, has historically been a church full of introverts, but has moved more towards a much more friendly, relational experience) recently tried to do away with the greeting time. We immediately got a host of complaints from people that we removed it.
So, our solution = do it sometimes… 😉
As with everything we do, we should constantly review for effectiveness. In most cases, the visitor stands awkwardly by while members chat with each other. If your intent is to make visitors feel like an outcast, then you are achieving you objective. If you believe this forced time of “friendliness” can make up for the 15 minutes of unengagement prior to service beginning, then you are mistaken.
The 3 churches in our charge do not have a meet and greet, but I am a Lay Servant and preach at several other churches in our area that do have it. They call it “Sharing of the Spirit” or “Passing the Peace”. I honestly don’t enjoy it. I have noticed that many use it as a time to talk among themselves, not just greet someone and move on to the next person. It ends up lasting 10 minutes sometimes, which makes the services longer. Most of our members either come early to greet each other, or stay after. They don’t need that interruption in the middle of the service.
The Problem with our churches today is we are afraid to embarrass someone. I believe in recognizing visitors either by standing, raising of the hand, giving visitors a name tag so the congregation can greet them and show brotherly love. Make them feel welcome.
2nd, When you have a new convert, having them say something, don ‘t worry about embarrassment. Start them off right from the start being a strong Bold Christian . We have too many silent Christians today and that is one thing wrong. Teach them, Mentor them. Spend time with them. Have them give testimonies, It could help someone else to make a decision.
I’ve never really cared for this greeting time. You don’t have long enough for a conversation, so you should talk before and after service.
Plus, this is very hard on people with health issues. Many people live in chronic pain (invisible to others) and handshakes are scary. You never know if it’ll be a barely touched or hard squeeze. It’s very awkward for me to deny someone a handshake. What do I say? I shouldn’t have to tell a stranger my list of health issues, just to get out of a handshake.
It is not only the “meet and greet time” that is awkward. I have been to churches that at the close of the service have everyone hold hands across the aisle while the pastor says a benediction prayer. I abhor this activity as much as the “meet and greet.” I find it very embarrassing because I am missing a left hand, and the stranger who grabs my left stump usually reacts with surprise and sometimes pulls away from me.
As a pastor I am conflicted about the ‘stand and greet time”. I had one parishioner who absolutely hated it and rolled his eyes every time it was time to shake hands. Then I had another parishioner (a widow) who told me it was the only time during the week she was hugged. I think if we do keep this practice it should be done theologically, pastorally and thoughtfully.
Were I in that situation I’d consider figuring out a way to get the widow more hugs throughout the week – that sounds like a much deeper problem than what can be addressed with a Sunday meet & greet. 🙂
I really love the “holy commotion.” I dunno, I always enjoy the time to acknowledge the people around and be thankful that you are all there to participate in worship together. It feels different than just chatting before the service. When I’m not in the choir loft, I like to spy out unfamiliar people my age and invite them to our small group. It’s hard to catch people after the service once everyone is heading out. Maybe it’s just me, but even when I’m visiting a church and know no one, I look forward to it. And I’m an extremely socially awkward introvert in most other situations, just to be clear.
As an introvert (and a vocational church leader) I found the original post that sparked the continued discussion very interesting and helpful information. Countless relational issues come to a head because one (or more) parties hasn’t a clue how the other(s) might actually be feeling. I’m an extreme introvert. My senior pastor is an extreeeeme extrovert, but he married a delightfully witty and engaging introvert, so he’s more attuned to the dynamic than he might otherwise be. But he still needs reminding.
Here’s my take on the introvert/extrovert dynamic as regards social interaction:
Extroverts find few things that introverts prefer to be uncomfortable … but,
Introverts find many things that extroverts prefer to be uncomfortable.
In other words, extroverts can more easily tolerate situations that make introverts comfortable than introverts are able to tolerate situations that energize extroverts. Does that mean we need to cater to the introverts all the time? Not really. But it does remind us that we are to look out for each other’s best interests according to Philippians 2.
As to the “Stand and Greet” time, here are my thoughts:
http://momosmusings.blogspot.com/2014/09/800×600-normal-0-false-false-false-en.html
As someone who is in the process of searching for a new church home – I have seen the pros and cons of this demonstrated differently. The majority of churches no longer do this – and that is sad. Why would you not take a minute to welcome another into God’s house? Granted, it may make you a bit uncomfortable – but the one who is visiting needs to be noticed and given a warm handshake and a kind smile. THEY ARE ALREADY UNCOMFORTABLE HAVING TO VISIT YOUR CHURCH. When a Body opts to forego this time, the visitor may not get any recognition of their presence – and that is unfortunate. If we are welcoming and loving (as most churches tout on their websites and bulletins) – then certainly we can demonstrate this early on by greeting folks. I was disappointed when the church had a time of greeting – but nobody greeted us – it was very obvious that we were visiting. On the way out, there was a tv screen which read, “We are so glad you came today! Thanks for visiting us.” To which I waved my hand at the screen and said, “thanks for noticing!” BTW – LOOK FOR THE VISITOR, as well as shake the hand of the brother or sister that gets overlooked in your church family. We never know what good a simple act of kindness can do for another – especially if we choose not to extend ourselves. Get out of your pew and say hello.
KRS
I’m sorry but since when should we let outsiders and possibly the unsaved dictate what we do in our churches? This avoidance of being courteous and social with some people is indicative of a much deeper problem. Greeting others (in a healthy and genuinely loving church) is what church community should encourage, not avoid! We have become so self centered and individualistic today that body life greatly suffers. All of this is symptomatic of a sick Church.
It is the outsiders and unsaved that we are supposed to be bringing to the church. If the practice of “meet and greet” during the service is turning them away it is actually a stumbling block we are putting in front of them.
The Gospel is also a stumbling block to the unsaved. So where does this type of reasoning draw it’s line?! The carnal mind will always find something to be offended by. The Church is designed to be a place for Christians not the unsaved. If they get saved while hearing the Gospel, then great. But we do not design our Churches to appeal to the unbeliever. That is when we will start to compromise and it’s downhill from there. Evangelism is mainly meant to be person to person in the outside world.
My husband and I were both raised in the church so we are no stranger to this custom of greeting. However, we are both introverts and find this activity very painful and insincere. As a military family, we have to go through this every time we look for a new church after we have moved. I wish the meet and greet activity would end as well as standing before the church publicly when you want to join. We are hesitating “formally” joining a church right now, because we know we will have to stand before a church of thousands.
Our church has discovered that we can accomplish many things during the ‘meet ‘n greet’ time. We begin the service with a video, then a staff pastor welcomes everyone, new guests, scripture, then after everyone stands, he prays(for offering too) for the service. Afterwards, everyone is asked to take a few moments to greet, we position ushers throughout the church to receive tithe/offerings, the worship team plays music only, this time allows our pastor to spot out new guests and introduce himself, sound/media technicians make any needed adjustments, host greeters give welcome packets/cups to new guests, then the praise begins and it is powerful and seamless from that moment going forward.
I am 37 and a life long church goer. When my church started doing this, I would actually leave the sanctuary until it was over. It makes me extremely uncomfortable and I think the chaos that ensues takes away from the reverence that a church is supposed to have. Fortunately, my new church doesn’t do it.
Does “sharing the peace” count?
So encouraging to hear that others struggle with this. I was surprised that it was the number one reason guests cited for not returning, but then again… if they don’t return, most of the time you’ll never really know why. I also wonder if this might be an unspoken reason why some of our folks don’t show up until after our church’s extended “Greeting Time” is over.
Personally, I don’t like greeting time. I don’t do well with spontaneous conversation and freeform social time in large groups. I tried. I failed. So now… I disappear. I find something to do or someplace else to be for that 5 minutes of the service.
Seems i’m in the minority of people who find the “greeting time” or “fellowship” time actually quite meaningful.
To look take a minute or two during cooperate (i think this means as a group) worship and acknowledge the group, look around to see those who also decided to show up to church, and to spend a few seconds being friendly seem hardly contrary or distracting to worship. Sad state of affairs if something so innocently engaging has become offensive or akward to people.
Peoples lives have become so rushed and scheduled that this small moment in the service can be a great reminder to slow down and engage. To acknoweldge the “Family of God” (Someone should write a song about that -*wink).
I certainly hope this isn’t another step we’re taking to remove ourselves even further from actually touching, hugging or acknowldeging people in our lives. It’s like the new trend of “fist bumping” – just another steop away from actually having to touch another human. lol Sad.
So if we’re trying to do away with distractions…let’s stop taking offerings. Those bug me more. And talk about being offensive to visitiors. They already think the church only wants their money. Hmmm….
The better churches I’ve been a part of preface the offering with something like:
Now we’re going to take an offering. This is something we do as a church, to support the mission of the church. If you’re visiting us today, please don’t feel any obligation to participate – just let the plate pass you by. We’re so glad you’re here.
It diffuses that situation pretty nicely. 🙂
Most of the comments are not coming from guests. We need to be careful not to project our thoughts and feelings on others ( comfort zone). One thing we do know that is the worse case scenario, and I have this happen about 95% of the time is when no one says anything to me! It is just unbelievable, whether the church is a 100 or 2,000 that as a guest no one even acknowledges me. A close second is to have a time of greeting and no one talk to you. Satan never invites people to church. A man or woman has to go out of their way to come to worship; isn’t it up to us to discover why they are here today ? can’t we be good hosts in any form for God in his house ?
We stopped doing this as part of the service, and began encouraging folks to greet others and meet new guests after the service ended. We have a good info booth, and a good crew greeting and getting folks pointed in the right direction before the service. We began to fell like the church members felt like their “obligation” to greet newcomers was satisfied by the greet time (even though it was short and somewhat artificial). And so, after the service, just when the time constraints were gone, and the service itself provided a platform for discussion, the guests were not greeted as thoroughly as they could have been. It seems to be working better, and guests have the option of “scooting out quickly” if their introverted personalities so desire. It seems to be working.
This is a great article. My husband is a pastor at our church and we came into this church four years ago with the “handshake time” having been an established part of the service. Notice I’m not stating my opinion because I plan to repost this on my Facebook page where some of our members will hopefully read. (And so maybe there goes my unstated opinion loud and clear – ha!) . Here’s my thought – do the people that love this handshake time love it because they don’t get any fellowship throughout the week with church members? And if so, does this speak to the lack of community in our churches outside of Sunday morning. I know a one minute handshake time doesn’t necessarily quantify as true fellowship and community but it’s a tiny touch of it – even if it is a germ infested one at that. Personally, I would be glad if the hand shake time went away for about all the reasons listed in this article but it doesn’t bother me as bad as some of the commenters.
I used to lead worship almost every sunday. now I’m in a season where I would really appreciate a level of privacy that I can’t have because it feels like everybody knows me at church. Then, as I’ve come to desire more privacy, I’ve come to feel more uncomfortable holding hands with people I don’t know during prayers. And many christians know that it’s a custom in many churches and among christians in general to hold hands during prayer… in fact, I used to not understand why some people didn’t want to hold hands. but now I understand.
I brought this to the attention of my congregation and should have expected the hail-storm of criticism. I could not believe the comments that were directed toward me. If we know for a fact that this part of the service makes many people so uncomfortable, why do it? At best, its shallow. At the worst it is forced and insincere. I’m convinced many people sense this as a means of true connection with other people, but it quickly becomes very disruptive. If we really want to welcome people, why not sit by them, engage them in meaningful conversation before or after the service. If we don’t know what to do, why do we have to make the 1950’s our fall back plan for ministry?
We have a stand and greet in our church — have had it since the church was founded 50 years ago. It is an integral part of our service. As pastor, I introduce the greeting time in several ways, primarily as an act of worship, for fellowship IS an act of worship and one of the recognized purposes or identities of the church. From time-to-time we have to reign in the process when it gets to be socializing instead of “blessing each other in Jesus name.” We follow the stand and greet with a communal prayer circle where the entire gospel community joins hands in a circle that goes around the sanctuary while we pray as the Lord leads, initiated and completed by the deacon of the month. It actually goes better than most might think and most of the people in our congregation desire to continue the practice. Moreover, guests join in! Many — especially in our highly liturgically-driven region — suggest that our warmness and openness is a welcome change from the cold stand-up/sit-down routine that they are accustomed to doing. The way I (we) see it, we will all one day be arm-in-arm in eternity and to have the privilege of practicing that in the here and now is a blessing.
I’m an introvert for the most part but I enjoy the stand and greet time very much! At our home church it’s a way to help to make others feel welcome, and when we visit other churches it’s a nice way to feel a part of the local body. I admit sometimes it’s awkward, but the chance to shake a hand or two and give a big smile is part of sharing the joy of the Lord with someone! And I want to be nudged out of my comfort zone a bit – it helps me grow.
I dislike how many churches have the greeting in the middle of the service. It disrupts the flow to go from a worshipful/meditative place to talking, chatting, laughing, hugging, shaking hands, etc.
Our church has the peace at the end. One can greet or not. We are a very huggy church rather than a handshake church. A visitor is usually greeted when they arrive, and could make a beeline to avoid being greeted if they so wished.
I am an introvert, I hate new experiences alone, but I went to this church and felt totally welcome; a year and a half later I’m an active member and don’t find the peace/hugging in our church off-putting at all. We do know how to do hospitality right, for sure.
So it depends, I suppose. I’ve been in churches where it is very awkward and I feel like people were going through the motions. Others were more overbearing and latched on to newbies; that made me much more uncomfortable. And also any church that singled out visitors/newcomers by asking them to stand, etc, is very off-putting.
I used to attend a large “huggy” church when I was in my 20s and I can’t count the number of times I got hugged by creepy guys I didn’t know at all and it was clear that it was more than just a friendly “I’m your brother in Christ” kind of hug. It wasn’t just single guys close to my age, either. A lot of times it was middle-aged married men and their wives would look at me like, “You better keep away from my husband!” And I was thinking, “Gladly, ma’am! Would you mind peeling him off me first, please!” I got a few hugs from women that were a bit questionable, too. It got to where a group of us women would try to sit together would sometimes help. Excusing one’s self to the ladies room was a good tactic, too.
I now attend a church that does not have the meet-and-greet time during the service and I do not miss it at all!
I’ve thought about this before but I’ve never heard a single complaint from a guest about our welcome time in the service. Not even an anonymous complaint on our communication card where we ask for suggestions (and trust me we get suggestions). I do hear about it when I omit this time on any given Sunday. I’m sure there are some who don’t care for this time and I can understand why (I’ve seen germ-conscious coaches offer hand sanitizer after teams shake hands). I asked our pastor and he noted that he had heard a complaint before from a member concerned for guests. I noticed that several of the comments called out a disconnect between the event and the reality. I don’t think that’s a major problem for us, and maybe that’s why it works. I also agree with the commenter who noticed an energy improvement in the singing after this time. I’m not wedded to the idea, though. Sometimes it’s hard to fit it in and it doesn’t make the cut. Maybe we’ll tailor our follow-up email survey to specifically ask about this. Very interesting!
I am 60, have been in church my entire life and am currently very active in my church, but I HATE meet and greet. I am basically a shy person so I either just stand where I am or speak to people I know well. We have a greetings committee for people coming in. Also i think it spreads germs in the winter and in the summer all those people (250-300) moving around heat up the sanctuary unnecessarily.
It would seem to me that those are sweeping statements. According to the Jung institute MAYBE 50% of all people are considered introverts to one degree or another. With that said there is probably a percentage of those people who do not like the meet and greet.
If you want to be anonymous you will not like the meet and greet, but most introverts know when they go to a public event they will probably have a level of discomfort. Some of you are over reacting and talking like it that it is a deal breaker for MOST people. When really it is probably a much smaller percentage.
There is something powerful in touch…. It is the way God wired us. In a society that is more and more disconnected, they may want to be anonymous but one of our deepest needs is human connection. Is being anonymous God honoring? Yes the greet can be awkward but the loving handshake or hug from another human can also be healing and help a person hear the Gospel as well.
I’m kind of an introvert, but I’ve always enjoyed the “meet and greet” time in any church. Granted, if the church members are only greeting one another and not the guests, then I think that is a legitimate complaint. Still, if the church members are genuinely being friendly, I find it difficult to be turned off. I’m much more turned off by churches that act like visitors aren’t even there.
At my church, we stopped doing formal announcements and greeting time. It took several months for my people to get used to it. However, I found that I have nearly ten minutes for preaching and worship. So to help the relationship building time, we dismiss Sunday school 10 minutes early to give opportunity to meet our guest and prospective members. It has gone well now because the people are pleased to see an organized effort rather than a super formal event.
Plus, I always am finished preaching before 12 which makes everyone happy!
I think you nailed it. I’m not saying introverts should not get pushed occasionally to be more outgoing. But what about the visitors? If there are church members who are introverts, why would anyone assume the visitors are extroverts? You bring up a good point. Maybe it’s indeed time to stop forcing the meet and greet. Let the extroverts shake the hands and maybe bring back “donut church” to have a less pressured way to make people feel welcomed.
I have been very thankful that we’ve deleted this aspect of our worship at the church I pastor. It was stretching to 10+ minutes and seriously impeding worship. Most churches already struggle with God-centeredness in their worship; and this was certainly the case in ours.
Beyond that, it violates the Regulative Principle of Worship; therefore it has no place in the public worship of God.
Is fellowship a legitimate biblical function of the church? Yes, of course. But not during worship. After worship, when we fulfill the “one-anothers,” when we have genuine life-on-life time, when we can truly bear each others’ burdens, admonish each other, serve and encourage each other — that’s the context for fellowship.
I’m just so glad we aren’t required to “greet with a holy kiss” any more, as the early church reportedly did (different circumstances, of course)
I pastor a small church here in Sumter, SC. We take a few brief moments and give folks the opportunity to shake a hand or two during our Sunday morning worship time. It’s a wonderful thing. Lots of handshakes and hugs. People connecting with others. It’s a special time for us. Only good things come out of our stand and greet time at New Calvary Baptist Church!
pass the peace, anyone?
I could do with or without the stand & greet. My church does it though and I make it pleasurable and warm with whoever I greet. Some people might come late to avoid it. We also have music and a scripture reading time. To really connect with the people, our church passes an attendance book to sign or not. This way the church knows who is showing up and also who the visitors were, if they choose to sign the visitor side. When the pastor announces the attendance book will be passed down the row, he/she encourages the last person in the row to pass it back so others can see who are sitting in their pew. First time visitors will have a church mug delivered to their home by a church volunteer, if they included their address in the attendance book.
http://www.cor.org is our church website.
I don’t particularly care either way. I have been to churches with and without the handshaking. My husband is more of an introvert and really hates that activity, so he just stays in the pew or excuses himself to the restroom. For me personally, it is not a reason to attend, or not attend a church.
Each has its own cultural nuances. Our church has done a greeting time for as long as I’ve been there. I’ve never had a guest negatively comment either personally or via email anonymously or othereise. I would assess our church as extremely warm and friendly per the testimonies of guests. I view this as one among many opportunities to communicate to our guests that we value the effort they have put into coming to visit. If they should fill out a visitor information slip our goal is to have a welcome packet waiting at their door before they even arrive at their home. This includes a loaf of some kind of baked bread (loaves of love ministry). All this to say that for an individual or family to put themselves out there to come visit warrants similar effort on our part to appreciate it. So yes we practice greeting guests and members as well as a Scripture and prayer time. We sing and worship. We receive an offering. And we preach expositional sermons. Few have ever expressed displeasure or discomfort. Everyone doesn’t join but a lot do. What works here doesn’t necessarily work everywhere.
We have used the “meet and greet” for awhile. Then I went to Ukraine on a mission trip. I came back realizing our “welcome” was very ordinary. I started using the moment to welcome people. This fellowship moment has two purposes:
1. Fellowship
There are three levels of fellowship.
a. Superficial – light, easy – happens in rows
b. Transformational – semicircle, small group, moves people to authentic fellowship
c. Sacrificial – circle, small group, Acts 2:42
Part of the meet and greet is fellowship? Then it would fall under #1. So the question is “how can the church welcome people with excellent hospitality?
We are going to route guests to our welcome center. It’s excellent. We give a gift (or 3 🙂 and can show hospitality. We are opening a new coffee bar. We could give first timers a free latte. I’m serious.
2. Evangelism
I’m not sure I’ve heard many people mention this. But we want a card from people. We do follow up. We email, hand written note, and leave a gift on the doorstep Sunday afternoon.
There is an evangelistic element to this. I recommend we not forget that on the altar of “I just don’t like it.”
What I suggest is welcome people at the end of the service. Let them come to the welcome center. An earlier “welcome” can happen, but leave off the “meet and greet.” Save it for after the service and let guests choose it. Christ followers should be beyond the “superficial” stage anyway, right?
If you are uncomfortable saying a simple hello to your neighbor, stranger or not, then how will you ever be comfortable proclaiming your faith to someone else, friend or not? The ritual of Stand & Greet is intended to help you grow more comfortable in doing just that.
Everyone feels at least a tad awkward and the more awkward you feel the more you really need to Stand & Greet. You can only overcome your fears by confronting them. If you feel it’s fake then maybe that’s because it is you who is being fake. Act with conviction, Stand & Greet!
“For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will also be ashamed of him when He comes in the glory of His Father with the holy angels.”
I just usually use the time to go to the restroom or get a drink. But no…I don’t like it for the same reasons listed above.
Drives me crazy…….
I’ve even felt tempted to dive out a window to avoid going down the meet’n’greet road block that some churches set up. If you’re in the choir you often have to go through it TWICE after a service to get out of the building. At least those early birds that show up first to snag a seat on the back row can ‘sneak out’ before the pile up begins!
I’m not particularly fond of the mid-service calls for greetings during a formal worship service either. Those sorts of mixer activities are better reserved for less formal events where attendees know in advance that it will be an informal/social setting.
I can certainly appreciate that many church goers love the doorway pile up and the mid service shake down for hugs and hand shakes, and that’s fine. It’s nice however, when we can side step the hug fest, and have an alternate path to the exit!
Give people options and plenty of space worship and learn…….
“The preacher, he’s too young, or maybe he’s too old;
The sermons, they’re not hard enough, or maybe they’re too bold.
His voice is much too quiet-like; sometimes he gets too LOUD.
He needs to have more dignity, or else he’s way too proud.”
“The sermons ,they’re too long, or maybe they’re too short.
He ought to preach the Word with dignity, instead of stomp and snort.
That preacher we’ve got must be the world’s most stuck-up man;
One of the ladies told me the other day, ‘Well, he didn’t even shake my hand!'”
I don’t mean any disrespect to Dr. Rainer (I know he’s only reporting his research), but these lyrics to that great old son keep coming to mind when I read these blogs and the comments that follow. The reality is, you’re not going to please everyone. Some people are turned off when the preacher wears a tie; some people are turned off when he does not. Some people are turned off by traditional music; some people are turned off by contemporary music. Some people are turned off by the “meet and greet” time; some people are turned off by the lack of one. When people are determined to stay out of church, they will find their excuses.
For those of that are not familiar with southern gospel music, the words I quoted earlier were from an old Kingsmen song titled “Excuses”. I close with the chorus:
“Excuses, excuses, you hear them every day.
And the devil, he’ll supply them, if from church you’ll stay away.
When people come to know the Lord, the devil always loses,
So to keep those folks away from church, he offers them excuses!”
“these lyrics to that great old son”
LOL! Hopefully, most people know I meant “great old *SONG*”. Either way, sorry for the boo-boo! 🙂
I’m an introvert, though I’ve gradually been taking on more extroverted roles in public, as long as I get alone time afterwards. Whether this is a good or a bad idea depends a lot on how it’s done. I really like the liturgical greetings, in the middle of the service, or at any other time. Christ is risen! Truly His is risen!! Christ is in our midst! He is and ever shall be! Christ is born! Glorify Him! I can see how that might make a non-Christian visitor sort of hesitant, but it’s just important that is someone doesn’t answer, people are ok with that.
I don’t love effusive friendliness time in church services. It’s kind of an odd disconnected time, where it’s not long enough to actually learn anything about visitors, but it’s too long to not be awkward if everyone turns in different directions and starts chatting, while you’re not sure who to greet (this has happened).
I’m still young, but have nonetheless become more tolerant of this over time, after going to several different kinds of churches. I lived in Georgia (the former Soviet Republic) for a year, where the tradition is that there’s a kind of “liturgical milling” just before Communion, which lasts for 15-20 minutes. People greet one another, go outside and chill, reclaim written confessions from the alter servers, who hold them up like an auction, make absolution huddles, light candles, and so on. At first, I found this incredibly uncomfortable, and wanted to just leave at that point. Sometimes I did in fact leave. But eventually I figured out how it worked and why they do things that way (it has to do with preparing for Communion), and became alright with it.
Matthew 8:3 “Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man (who had leprosy).”
Good thing He wasn’t a “germaphobe”, huh? 🙂
I posted a link to the first article on my FB page, asking for comments, and I had church members more or less evenly split on whether its a good thing or not. Some say that our meet and greet one major factors in their sticking around. Others were less enthusiastic about it.
One question that springs to mind is, on the whole, how many first-time visitors to churches dislike the meet and greet? Saying that the meet and greet is the number one turn-off for visitors is not the same thing as saying that a majority of visitors are turned off by it.
Dr. Rainer, can you shed any light on what the actual numbers were?
Chet –
Those who identified themselves as first-time guests overwhelmingly (over 90%) dislike the stand and greet time. Keep in mind, though, my survey was not scientific.
But was this not a follow-up to the survey asked specifically of those who were driven away? What would a similar poll look like for those who decided to return and later became regulars? And then if you followed that up with “How did meet-n-greet factor into that? Just a thought…
In more liturgical churches, it’s called “passing the peace.” During the time, members are encouraged to say “Peace to you.” The response is “and also with you.” It’s a tradition that goes back a long time. While it’s probably become a perfunctory act in those settings, the reason for it is rooted in Scripture. Paul opened his letters with greetings of grace and peace. It’s a way for believers to share the peace of the Lord with each other. It’s a way to get believers, who attend church together weekly, to consider one another, and not just themselves. Passing the peace is something that reminds us we are not alone. While serving in our Baptist church in Tennessee, I called it the “shake and howdy.” Here in my pentecostal church in Texas, I just call it the “meet and greet.” Regardless of what it’s called, I ALWAYS have it in a service. And not just to help transition to another element of the service.
In our modern churches, especially all the “cool churches” around now, it’s so easy to come in, be entertained by the great music, watch the cool light show, listen to the awesome preacher, and leave without speaking to anyone. Well except for the barista in the lobby coffee shop where you ordered your latte. (And I’m not against coffee shops in churches. We have one in ours.) My point is that the consumerism mentality becoming so prevalent in church today (“Church is about me. I’ll pick a church based on my preferences in music, carpet color, the preacher’s hair style) has created a trend where church-goers don’t know each other and don’t “bear one another’s burdens.” In my little ol’ opinion (and that’s just what it is… an opinion), we are to be in covenant with one another. When we join a church, we’re saying to the Lord… “Lord, I’m linking arm-in-arm with these people– this small part of the bride of Christ. I will join with them to lift up the name of Jesus. I will love them and care for them for they are my brothers and sisters. Instead of walking in church expecting to get something out of it, I TRY to walk in and say, “who can I give to today?” “To whom can I share a blessing or word of encouragement?”
Most people only attend a Sunday morning service. That’s their only opportunity to talk to the people with whom they attend church. So for me, it’s more about providing a moment that folks can interact with one another. It’s my hope that through that brief moment, someone hurting will receive a hug or encouraging word from a neighbor. It’s my prayer that someone lost and far from God will realize that regardless of what they’re going through, how they’re dressed, or what they do for a living that there are people who love the Lord and are willing to cross an aisle, shake their hand and say… “welcome to this church. You have a place here.”
Can it be awkward? Yes. But so can singing congregational songs for many people who aren’t musical. So can passing the offering plate for those who feel they can’t afford to tithe. Probably one of the most awkward things can be altar calls where you have to walk past all those people to respond to the Word or deal with a sin issue in your life. Yet all of things are important in the life of the church. We do them because they bring value and meaning to our corporate times of worship. The encourage the believer and help us in our walk with Christ.
To quit doing something because it might be uncomfortable to a guest COULD (and notice I said COULD) lead down the road of being too seeker sensitive (defined as: let’s throw out anything that would seem too churchy and turn potential members off, even if it’s important Biblically).
I have a love/hate relationship with the meet & greet. The introverted me hates interacting so closely with people I don’t know, but on the other hand, it gets me out of my protective bubble interacting with other people. Especially people I don’t know. I’m part of the worship team, and our worship pastor asked us to hang out among the welcome team before and after services to help welcoming people. Introverted me doesn’t want to do that either, but again, it gets me out of myself.
Wow, you really struck a nerve with this one. =)
I shared your post on my facebook account and asked for people to share their thoughts on the subject.
(I’m a worship leader.) I got more comments on that post than anything I’ve ever posted. People are still commenting on it. Overwhelmingly, the majority are saying they don’t like it.
As a worship leader, I’d noticed that the worshipers tend to wake up after that part of the service. Even if the opening songs were high energy, the atmosphere in the room just felt more alive after the fellowship time. But after reading your article and seeing all these responses, I’m rethinking things. Thanks for sharing. I really want to do all I can to make folks feel as comfortable and welcomed as possible.
Shawn’s perspective made me think. We do the meet and greet just before the sermon, and while I personally don’t enjoy the time for all the reasons others have mentioned, my primary objection is to its placement in the service. The worship leader has just led us in music, preparing our hearts for the Word, but then that mood is interrupted and I fear that it takes a while for many in the congregation to re-focus their attention. Perhaps some are re-energized by the movement though. In the classroom, I use different methods (small group discussion, large group discussion, individual work) to keep students engaged throughout a class period, and the worship service presents a similar challenge. Ultimately, as a member who attends weekly, I can cope with the meet and greet (I’ve found it’s a great time to get a drink a water), but if visitors respond negatively, the practice deserves to be carefully considered.
I think the “arguments” against it bring up a crucial point — whether this is something added just for the sake of it (or for show), or whether it’s an authentic part of that body.
I’m an introvert and would be personally very content if our church didn’t do this. But as a whole, our church loves it, they love meeting people and greeting friends. And I think that’s something to celebrate and enjoy, and I think our guests see that.
During greeting time, most of the people who do bother to shake my hand are looking elsewhere as though I’m not present. I want to jump up, wave my arm and say, “Hey! I’m down here!” It’s SO rude. Also, we have an autistic daughter and she finds greeting time extremely stressful and burdensome. It’s a real stress factor for her and causes her to not be able to concentrate on the service and the real reason we’re there. I feel for her more than myself.
For me, this is an easy answer. I believe the church service must be a focused, sincere, holy, worshipful time. Among many other modern churchy traditions, the “stand and greet” time, for me, is a distraction from that goal. Therefore, though I grew up with it, I don’t use it.
I also try to refrain from the obligatory “special” right before the sermon. The church service is brief and only happens once or twice a week, so there has to be a really good reason for every single thing we do during it. For us, that means from the second we start to the second we end, we are focused on ushering ourselves and everyone there into the presence of God and letting Him speak through us and to us. The focus is no longer on us–it’s all on Him. The Christians present will only benefit from focusing on Him for a change, and the non-Christians present can only be touched by being pointed to Him. It’s all about Jesus. And if anything we do is ever NOT all about Jesus, the difference is obvious. Symmetry and flow are created when everything is clearly pointing to the same goal.
I’ll step off the soap box now and let anyone who actually read this respond.
This is awesome. Amen, amen.
On a positive note. The greeting time at our church allows for those who are coming in late to easily enter the service without interruption. Also this gives added time for our greeters to bring in extra chairs when needed. We generally sing a song then encourage our people to greet those around them. From my standpoint it seems to be an enjoyable experience.
That’s generally how we do it, too.
The time of greeting (a.k.a. “handshaking time” for some or “Passing of the Peace” for our liturgical friends) is probably the most misunderstood aspect of the Gathering portion of the service. Rather than this being another chance for small talk, it should be a time for pastoral care to happen with intentionality. Guests should be noticed by the members and greeted warmly. The widow sitting across the aisle from you might need a hug and an offer to help her to her car after the service. The child who is dropped off at the curb for Sunday School needs someone to come up and extend the offer to sit with a family for the remainder of the service. The single mom desperately trying to keep her children quiet needs a widow to come over and offer to sit with her. It’s approaching Christmas season, and maybe some lonely grandparents with family who live far away would welcome a hug from from one of the youth. I prefer to list this action in the worship guide as the “Affirmation of Christian Unity,” or the “Celebration of Church Unity,” because we must be continually reminded that these seemingly random people sitting around us for the next hour or so are our brothers and sisters in the faith. Our eternal occupation will be worshiping together. It is healthy to have a time of what might be forced handshakes and eye contact to push out of our individualistic bubbles and remind us that this is Church! Worship gatherings are not “me and God” time; rather, they are “God and us” time. Unfortunately, we evangelicals and Baptists have ignored the deeper liturgical function behind nearly all the actions of worship to the point that we can argue ourselves out of doing anything that is “uncomfortable.”
I grew up in a church that did this, and I thought it was pointless at best, uncomfortable at worst, at the time. And the church that my wife and I have long been members of, but have only very recently started re-attending, does it – at length – and my nearly-45-year-old self utterly *loathes* and dreads it. In the interim, we have attended churches that didn’t practice this pointless pointless, patently counterfeit dog-and-pony-show wankery, and we were SO RELIEVED when we realized those churches *didn’t* do it.
Honestly, as I’m a) prone to having panic attacks, b) extremely averse to talking to/being approached by total strangers (or even people whose faces I may recognize and names I may remember, but who I see for one hour every week on Sundays), and c) I don’t see the pastor/church leadership ending this loathsome bit of performance art anytime soon, well … my wife and I may have to start looking for another place to go to church on Sundays.
“Patently counterfeit”? Maybe at your church, but I will thank you not to apply that label to all churches.
I think we try to plan the perfect everything in churches these days. Why not just let the Holy Spirit move. If you want that at your church, great! If not, then don’t. I think it pertains to the audience you attract. Myself for example has met a lot of people through greeting time and it really encourages me. Thanks and God bless.
One thing is certain: if you try to pander to everyone’s preferences, you’re only going to frustrate yourself. Certainly people’s feelings need to be taken into account, but you simply can’t please everyone.
I’m happy for you. I will continue to try to plan the perfect service though, because I think it’s a worthy goal. But you know what the cool thing about it is? It will never be perfect. My most intense efforts will always result in a mess. But it’s my inglorious mess God uses to show His glorious order. However, I can’t use that as a cop-out to give minimal effort and ask God to compensate for it. I think He wants me to give maximum planning and effort out of a heart of love, and then He accomplish with all that effort what I can’t.
I love this blog post 🙂 My church has a meet and greet time and I absolutely hate it for most of the reasons mentioned. I do feel that it is fake and uncomfortable. If I want to speak to someone, I make a point to talk to them when I have more than just a few seconds. I crave authentic conversations with existing friends as well as when meeting new people…not fake greetings that are put on because they are required.
Page 119 of the Australian Anglican Prayerbook. Order of service includes the ‘peace be with you’, Bible readings, songs, prayers, sermon, communion and more that I can’t remember. The greeting of peace is most certainly not an empty ritual. In most Anglican congregations we’ve visited (mostly smaller congregations), people are genuinely glad to see each other and chat. Visitors are warmly welcomed. It’s part of the worship. I’ve always thought it was something the modern movements lost in moving away from the traditional structures.
When I first arrived at our small-ish church (130), there was a stand-and-greet time AND a time for introducing visitors. I got tired of seeing the horror in visitors’ faces during the introductions, so I stopped doing them (and actually had several members complain about it).
But the meet-and-greet was so cherished that I decided it wasn’t (yet) a battle worth fighting. Instead, I reframed it as the Passing of the Peace, and every Sunday I give a detailed explanation of what we’re doing, how we’re doing it, and why. I frame it theologically AND tell everyone how to do it. It’s still very uncomfortable for most visitors, but their discomfort is mitigated somewhat by being told exactly what to expect and what to say.
Part of me still wants to get rid of it altogether, and I may in the future. But another part of me sees the value of family traditions. Every family (or group, church, etc.) has traditions, and any newcomer is going to find some of them uncomfortable. At some point it’s okay to say, “This is part of what we do in this family – let me explain how it works so that you can be part of it.”
If you’re going to have a meet-and-greet or Passing the Peace, I think it MUST be clearly explained EVERY Sunday so that newcomers can be coached through the idiosyncratic traditions of this particular family.
Thanks, Thom, for these posts.
I’m in a liturgical church, and for us it is not a “stand and greet” but an exchange of the peace. It symbolically carries out the scriptural instruction to go and make peace with one’s brother before approaching the altar, and thus it comes during the first part of the service, before the offering and communion.
I value it because each week it invites me to clasp the hands of the one or two people in the congregation I don’t like (and who don’t like me), look them in the eye, and sincerely wish for them “the peace of the Lord.” And have that peace wished on me.
For me, it’s got very little to do with introversion, awkwardness, or faking.
Now if the church simply had a “stand and greet,” I would dislike it for many of the reasons discussed above. But for me, it’s biblically encouraged and an important aspect of worship.
If you are going to church looking for problems,you will find them. After all church is a bunch of sinners saved by the grace of God (and some members are not even saved). You are suppose to go to church to praise God and learn about him. Not look at other people. Christians are not perfect and will let you down. Keep your eyes on God and you will not be disappointed!!!!
Oh, I have to vehemently disagree on this one. I am as introverted as they come when it comes to visiting new churches, but THE deciding factor when it came to joining our church in particular was that first stand and greet time. A sweet soul made a beeline to introduce herself and hug our necks and it stuck with us through every other church we visited in town. Yes, it’s a little awkward, but that’s church. That’s humans. As for people not being friendly other times, sometimes as guests, you slip in right before the service, sit in the back, and surely aren’t going to stick around for long afterward, so this might be the only chance we get to shake a hand and hug a neck. I’ll admit, it’s awkward sometimes. Sometimes I have to shake a hand of someone I don’t know, or stealthily pull out my hand sanitizer afterward during cold season, but when I get a great big hug from Mr. Tom or get to see Ms. Sadie’s brooch collection or see the little seven-year old down the row from me, Ansley, gets so excited because this is a time that she, as a child of the church gets to hug a neck of her friend Karis or Jeremy, that warms my heart. If we cut out everything that might be awkward for guests, why meet at all? Why not just stick the pastor up on stage, tape him and let’s all sit and watch it on our couches from home? Community is messy, and beautiful. (For the record, I am completely against singling out a guest and having them sit or stand before apart from everyone else, but this is family time, and family stops and shakes and hugs and kisses, and if they want to see a real picture of the family, I think huggin and kissin is just as worshipful as singing and preaching and eating and offering.) The problem isn’t with the stand and greet time. The problem is doing it badly. We are the only organization that still does this kind of thing, yes; I take that as a huge compliment to the church. We’re going to be the only organization doing a lot of things in the near future. Who else gets up early on a Sunday morning, hosts a sing along together, shares the tough stuff in our lives, admits our faults to one another, listens to someone tell us we are sinners but there is a better way? Who else fellowships with people 30 years older and 30 years younger than themselves every week, and counts them among their closest friends? Who else celebrates a bloody Savior who died for those sins? Who else claims to follow Someone Who is alive again?
Bravo! Thanks for the great post.
“Community is messy, and beautiful.”
Amen! And amen to about everything else you said!
What I dislike about “meet & greet” time is the spotlight put on me as a new face and a visitor. Some members don’t want to know me – they’re the ones who briefly shake my hand and say hello. That’s fine with me. It’s the members who bound across the aisle with their visitor radar, and want to know my life story in five minutes. We may as well be sitting down and having coffee.
I once went to a church that was in a rural area and everyone was somehow related. The pastor saw me in the back row and made it a point to greet me before the service even started. I liked that, and I didn’t feel the need to shout out the fact that I was just “trying out” the church. Even if it were just one of the music leaders or an usher, I’d prefer that to the mingle-minute.
Thom, many of my members (we are a very small and informal church) consider this meet and greet as part of our “DNA.” I’ve even caught myself introducing it as a “signature” of our close fellowship…but never have considered it a potential offense to newcomers. Wow! Now I am all ears.
Thankfully, our church is blessed to have a wonderful dentist to accommodate those who would rather have a root canal. 😀
I do not like the greeting time at our church. I feel like it takes away from the service. People usually greet the same people: the ones sitting by them that they already greeted when they arrived. Moreover, this is the period just before our worship set. As a member of the worship team I cannot venture too far to greet other people or I won’t be ready to play in time. If the people I usually greet are already talking, I stand around not knowing what to do OR just go pick up my guitar (which cuts the greeting time down a little). Most of the people talk to each other I that period between Sunday school and church anyway as well as hanging around for an hour (or more) after service. We could do away with it entirely and be just fine.
I personally believe, as a Pastor, that the handshaking time is important. The visitors should feel as if people want to greet them and the members should be trained not to be snobs, dirty, or fake. The visitors that come to Lighthouse consider it the friendliest church in town. We have members in the pews today because of the warm welcome they received. Also, if the preaching and song service is God honoring the visitors will not feel comfortable anyway, they will feel conviction from the Holy Spirit. Church is not about what we want, it’s about what He wants! It’s also not about what the lost world wants!
It is amazing how married some people (older) are to this tradition. A member left our church over it! But its interesting the context of his gripe. We were a new church plant and built into our Sunday schedule 30 min between Bible Study (Sunday School) and worship for the EXPRESS purpose to give people time to talk to each other and enjoy the fellowship. At that time, we even had refreshments to help with the relational goal. However, this brother would stand on the fringe and talk to NO ONE and would only speak when spoken to. So you can imagine my surprise when he came to my office to tell me why he was leaving. One of his biggest problems was that we don’t do the fellowship greeting in the service. When methods become sacred we lose.
I love it that we can share our differing experiences about this. I have been on Vacation or visiting a church in the past and with out the dreaded “Meet and Greet” there would be no interaction at all between the people. I think if a greeting time is explained and used in the right way it can and is a blessing. Yes it can be a bit uncomfortable at times but the benefits far out-weigh the negative. I agree with Lee who shared earlier this morning. If its genuine it is a blessing. Instead of doing away with it maybe we need to train our people to follow up with the greet and plan a meaningful time. It works at our church and when we don’t have a greeting time in some services people miss it. I also agree with another person who shared that at times the service takes a very positive turn after the greeting time. It may not work everywhere but where it does why stop it just because someone writes an article. Love all of the input and differing views.
Thanks for posting this brother. I read this list to the deacons on Monday morning as an interesting thought but not as a suggestion we eliminate it. I hope they don’t read into it more than I intended. Some introverts at CrossView Church LA told me some of their apprehension and I didn’t get it. I think I’m starting to.
Maybe we can introduce the time with extra sensitivity and focus on visitors since the members know the routine. I suggest we try saying something like, “We’re going to stand up and greet others. If you’re a visitor here, or even a member, who feels uncomfortable with this please feel free to stay seated where you are or to go to the welcome table outside to get some information on the church or Christianity. Let’s greet one another now…”
What do you think? Does that make it even more awkward, of does it help with the situation?
Thank you for this suggestion. I made a reply post to an earlier comment and wish I had included this. If you want to stand up and greet others around you, then fine, but if you are seated, that should give the signal that you don’t want to participate and should be left alone. If you do this, then those who want the greeting can participate and those who do not want it do not have to. That satisfies both sides of the issue. Only problem I can see with this is when you have someone seated in the middle of the pew who does not want to participate in the greeting, and everyone around them does. Maybe a separate section in the sanctuary somewhere that is “Greeting Proof?”
We do have a stand and greet time, we stopped it a while back, but only because some people would not go back to their seat when the music started again. They wanted to finish their story and that meant they had to talk over the music. so we stopped it, only to have some of our people, actually, a lot of them complain because they didn’t get to greet the guests.
I have thought about not doing it again but not sure I want to endure the backlash.
Lord, help us. We are human beings. It use to be people met with a kiss and a hug, not just a handshake. We live in a digital age, but we should be humans first. To love people is to care for people by letting them we missed them last Sunday, glad this is your first visit, glad you’re well enough to be in service, etc. Many people still need people. By the way, even introverts need people. That’s what is wrong with churches we’ve lost the compassion and contract with members on a personal level. Oh, my. Most of us don’t even know our neighbors. I find we should have more social moments in and after church than we do now. We are all part of the body of the church. When one is not there, the body suffers. Love thy neighbor as thyself. That includes those who go to church, works and those who we come in contact with in our daily lives. That’s how we are suppose to be witnesses unto the earth. ♥
I’m not an introvert, more of a middle extrovert and I don’t like it. It is awkward because most people stop at the greeting and do not initiate relationships especially with new church goers. What’s the point? My main concern though … as someone in the Medical field … germs germs germs!!!! I know we need to have an immune system but it’s gross when someone just sneezed in her/his hand and then goes to shake my hand 5 min later.
I have noticed the exact opposite of what a lot of the comments say above. I feel like a tension is broken in our worship service when the greeting time happens. People seem more lively and together afterwards. We also make this time long enough for people to actually exchange more than a hello. I have seen members of our church use the time to go introduce themselves to newcomers….probably won’t stop any time soon.
How about a series of these articles entitled #churchworldproblems ?
Hebrews 10:25 “Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” If you don’t want to interact with other churchgoers, why even go? Why not just stay home and read your Bible? So what if you’re uncomfortable? It feels like comfort has become an idol in today’s society. People will barely even make eye contact with one another. Get over it. Say hi. Show love. If churches continue conforming to the masses of culture, they will lose the Truth.
This is a great topic. As a pastor of a local church it is one I have given a lot of thought to over the years. This post was shared so much in my network of fellow pastors and church members, that I decided to write a blog on the subject. Here it is: http://2thesource.org/2014/11/05/the-infamous-meet-and-greet-time-at-a-church-near-you/
Even though I am an introvert, I like the stand and greet time. It is a time in the service where we can focus that the service is not just me and God but us and God. That we are all brothers and sisters in Christ. There is an aspect of communion which is similar. The Lord’s supper is not just about me and God but about US and God and Me and my fellow siblings in Christ.
I understand some feel awkward during or pressured during the time but then again many feel awkward or pressured during an invitation. Should we stop invitations? No, there has to be more reason than that to stop both practices.
I also understand but do not think the argument that many of the church members are hypocrites really works either. The resolution could be to focus on the church members to not be hypocrites instead of letting go of the practice of greeting guests during the service.
As someone who is no longer Baptist, I miss some of the Baptists things I used to do in services. The Meet and Greet is one of them. I do not think it is a must have aspect to a liturgy but I think most of the reasons in the article above to not have the meet and greet are not very compelling.
I think it was a great topic to bring up however, especially since there seems to be some strong feelings for and against the practice.
Sheesh, why is it so hard to say hello to each other? People are way too entrenched in social interaction being entirely on their own terms. Maybe bring challenged out of our comfort zones isn’t a bad thing. So then we do away w things like this and people don’t come back bc no one spoke to them at all. It’s not all about us and our comfort! What better place to learn how to make peace with that? Christianity isn’t supposed to be comfortable or self centered.
We take hospitality and making people feel comfortable very seriously at our church, and we still get up and pass the peace every Sunday following the prayer of confession and the assurance of pardon. It fits well liturgically because receiving forgiveness should give us great peace, and it is a peace we should feel compelled to share with others. It is a genuine time, not artificial. It has been especially powerful for people who have had some sort of conflict with one another. Our members are aware that new people may not be comfortable joining in at first, so at least two or three people will make a point of offering them peace, but no one swarms them. I think this time also demonstrates that we are not a group of people who come in and worship individually and then go home. We are a community. And if our getting up and passing the peace makes us not the church for you, that’s okay. We are not the church for everyone.
As a former full-time pastor I did not have a stand-and-greet time; our “visiting” was usually accomplished during Sunday School, prior to the service, or immediately thereafter. I find it distracting and almost intimidating to first-timers. I realize there are those who like it, and that’s OK. When we begin a worship service, we worship. Whenever I attend a church that has a stand-and-greet, it is usually after they begin their worship service and it does distract from the service.
Almost always someone will NOT be greeted, and that is enough reason for them to not return. While most people are looking for reasons not to be in church, we need to be more sensitive to those who choose to attend. There are health concerns; I’ve gone to the fist bump. Some people attend and smell like they have just walked out of a pool room; hugging or getting up close for someone who has an allergy to smoke just doesn’t make sense.
The church I attend now does this stand-and-greet. Personally, I don’t like it and usually do not participate. And I certainly do not like the senior pastor giving instructions about “say this to your neighbor”, “raise your right hand now”, “turn to someone and say…”, or even take a certain posture when you pray.
Am I wrong in my thinking?
Wow! I admit I am surprised by all of the negative feelings this time evokes – my perception from the pulpit is that it is a time that folks enjoy (it is always a challenge to coral them back). I have also had many positive comments by visitors about how warm and genuine the greeting is at our church. BUT NOW I wonder – am I only hearing the positive feedback from those folks who feel comfortable and return, and not the negative feedback from those folks we have driven away. Will have to ponder that.
I am still trying to decide if I am a Christian or not, and attending church helps with this.
This kind of stand and greet is off-putting for me because the conversation tends to quickly move towards me having to excuse not going every week, not really being a convinced Christian etc. Everyone is very pleasant about it, but it immediately gets me off on the wrong foot with people I meet. I am relieved when people turn to the person on the other side of them and I can stick to talking to those I already know.
I’ve always hated the meet and greet time, both as a visitor and as a member. I remember during middle and high school I used this time as a bathroom break. I could time it just right to where I was sneaking out right as everyone stood up and I got back right as we started back into the service so that I could avoid any awkwardness (I mean, it’s awkward enough being a teenager, right?). And this is the church where I grew up. These were people who had thrown my mom her baby shower when she was pregnant with me. I was very active in the church and in the youth group, so it wasn’t like I was avoiding making connections or talking with people. I just didn’t like the contrivance of this time, I guess.
Now that I’m an adult and have lived in multiple cities and states, I can say that the best experience I had as a first-time visitor was to a church in Austin, Texas, that was probably the largest collection of awkward people I’ve ever found. My husband and I had tried several different churches by that point because we had mostly been ignored everywhere we went. Then we show up to this old building that smelled funny, probably because of the 70s carpet, and we were immediately greeted by someone who recognized that we were first-time visitors. She called over one of the elders and introduced us, and the elder proceeded to walk with us to the auditorium, introducing us to other people all along the way. When service started, he invited us to sit with him and his wife and their children and grandchildren. Before the first song, we were already a part of that church’s family.
This church didn’t have a meet-and-greet time during the service, but every time we went, even if we were running late, we couldn’t make it to the auditorium without saying hello to at least one if not several people, and then we couldn’t make it out of the building after service without handshakes or hugs. On more than one occasion, we had to turn down an offer to join someone for lunch because we’d already accepted someone else’s offer.
Now, my husband and I are both introverts. Introversion does not necessarily mean an aversion to social activities, but introverts generally desire deeper and more sincere engagement, and from what I know of others, extroverts appreciate that, too. In my experience, the most meaningful relationship-building interactions happen outside of the designated worship time. If your meet-and-greet during service is an integral part of the church family’s engagement with one another on a deep and personal level, I would love to experience that. I’ve never gone to a Protestant church with a meet-and-greet that was like that, but it’s a big world.
I see a mingling time during service as an indication that a group of believers or their leadership doesn’t feel they interact enough with one another outside of the worship service, which really should be focused on the edification of the believer’s relationship with God anyway, and, as a visitor, I would feel awkward about the meet-and-greet, but it wouldn’t keep me from returning. What would keep me from returning is if the only interaction I had with others was during this meet-and-greet. A couple of minutes of shaking hands and going through the motions of “How are you?” “Good. How are you?” “Good.” is not enough to form the family bond I desire when I join a community of brothers and sisters in Christ.
Well said Jessica….well said!
I am not a Christian, but I do occasionally visit both protestant and catholic churches (there is a logical explanation for these visits, but its rather a long story). I will tell you that as an outsider looking in, I appreciate the gesture, but it is insincere at least 90% of the time. It is uncomfortable. Encourage your members to greet others in general, but don’t force-greet your entire congregation together and expect first time church goers or outsiders to appreciate it.
Ha! As an introvert, structured social time is the only time I feel comfortable approaching strange people. The meet’n’greet or “Pass the Peace” is my favorite part of any service I have visited. I wish my current church did it.
I have gone to many coffee hours and stood alone and nervous, but I know at this time in the service I can say “Hello” and get a warm greeting without worry about bothering anyone.
As a side note, at the church I went to as a child, during our “Pass the Peace,” members stood and visitors were asked to stay seated. That way, they weren’t required to participate, and it was a way to show they were new without singling them out. That was cool.
Recently tried to subtly remove the ‘howdy doody’ time by just not doing it and making no announcement. After several weeks of this, several members threatened to leave the church if we continued to omit this time from our service. The comment was made that we were just not a ‘fellowshipping church’ without it. On the contrary, our church does a very good job at welcoming people prior to worship. Folks shake hands, give hugs, check up on one another, and even pray for one another. Most of this could not be done during the ‘Fellowship Greetings’ time (as it has been called here for years). Yet, nonetheless, without it our ‘worship’ time is just not the same. The struggles of a pastor trying to guide a church to focus on God.
I’m Episcopalian and one issue I have with some parishes is how the passing of the peace does turn into a 5+ minute halftime where everyone meets and greets with each other. It makes me very uncomfortable and I wouldn’t go back to a parish where this is the custom. I’m fine with a quick 30 seconds where I great the people immediately around me, but when everyone starts walking around the church and making sure they shake hands with everyone, it’s too much for me.
What a great discussion, but have we become so self serving that a fellowship time, or lack of it is a make or break thing for people in going to a church. What about where we put the offering, if we include it at the end of the service, as some would suggest, should I be so offended that I don’t go back to that church. Here is another issue to think about…I know a good number of people who HATE to sing, so should we do away with the singing because so many people cannot carry a tune and they are afraid someone might hear them. I think any excuse could be made for not going back to a church….the preaching is too long….or too short….the music is too loud….or too soft….there are too many gray hairs….or young people…..oh, and I cannot deal with perfume, I wish people would quit wearing it….I have been in ministry for 26 years now, 16 of which pastoring the same church, and I find that people are going to come and go, and have many excuses for doing so. Even Jesus didn’t have everyone stay…He laid out the cost, and many left….so maybe the more important question is, WHAT MAKES OUR WORSHIP GENUINE….I happen to believe that if people see real, genuine, heartfelt, and relevant worship, they will be thirsty for more. Maybe the problem isn’t to shake or not to shake, but the lack of genuine worship going on in God’s house….well that’s my opinion, but it comes from a very burdened heart as to where we are headed as the church…..reach out, minister to someone, make a difference, save a soul, advance the kingdom….and let the people complain, they have been doing it since the creation of the world! Be Blessed!!!
A french atheist wrote the book “Religion for Atheists” in which he tries to create “religious” practices, many of which he borrows from organized religion. He highlights these beneficial practices and is jealous for what they evoke or create. He described the beautiful ritual of sharing the peace– at that moment, you are no longer defined by how the world defines you– doctor, plumber, white, black, etc– but you are all equal holding out your hand speaking peace to the other. He asked where else in our American culture can you find such a ritual that demonstrates that beautiful truth. I don’t think we Christians are fully aware of the treasure of our rituals.
After discussion with the Deacons, we decided to remove it for the main reason of what you wrote in your blog and a “Why Nobody Wants to Go to Church Anymore” by Shultz. Well, the service went more smoothly, even members said more enjoyable. However, some did not like it all. One asked me why are we not welcoming the visitors anymore (we had no first time visitors in the congregation, just attenders that have yet to join). They felt it was cold. I assured the member that I would be more zealous in making people feel welcome (though I go throughout the sanctuary before worship greeting people). But then another member gets with the Chairman of the Deacons and asks whose idea was it (mine) and that she was going to hold a meeting and present a formal complaint to the Deacon Body to have it reinstated (this isn’t the first time she has held a meeting). I believe it was the right move and for now it will remain out of the service, but I don’t think this is a hill am willing to die on. But I have printed out your material and will present it when the time comes. Thanks for your heart for pastors and the churches.
I am a youth pastor at a bicultural church that is striving to be multi-cultural. Our church is a member of the CRC (Christian Reform Church) and takes an approach to worship that is conversational. We believe that in our services, God speaks to us, we respond in worship, acknowledge others in worship and reach out to others to worship too.
Our church has a large number of lifelong Dutch CRC members. We also have a growing membership of people who have emigrated from China. Both groups have decided that our mission is to the international students at the local university and the ABC’s (American Born Chinese) in my youth group.
Since we have two very different cultures coming together we are constantly asking ourselves why we do the things that we do. Is it cultural or is it our calling? If it’s cultural, then do we really need to do it?
This past fall we focused our services and Bible studies on worship. What is it? Why do we do it? And how do we do it?
On the subject of the “meet and greet” we decided it is important to our worship because it is in line with our conversational approach to worship. The service starts with God calling us to worship and greeting us. We then turn and greet each other to worship God together. We then respond with singing songs, reading scripture, confessing our sins and asking for forgiveness, giving back to God a portion of what he gave us (offering), listening to His word, receiving His assurance and blessing and finally we (try to) take our experience with God and share it with others.
For our mutual greeting, there is no timeline and no expectations (except for my youth group which I make them go around and greet people because the “old people” like it. But, the kids have started liking it too, I think because we do it the right way). We do have specific people assigned to greet newcomers but the newcomers are not expected to participate.
From the posts I have read, it seems that many people just don’t understand why they do the things they do in worship. That’s ok, so did many of the people in our congregation before this fall. I would urge any pastors who read this blog to have good, open, constructive conversations with their church about why they do anything in their services.
I would welcome the elimination of the ‘meet and greet’, but who am I to say the whole congregation should change to suit me? Some members are great at approaching people and seem to truly embrace this part of the service. Why can’t they do it before or after the service, though? Come in early and ‘pick’ out your seats, then wander around and talk to people before start time. I think guests would feel more welcome if they were greeted spontaneously rather than because someone said ‘do it now’!
As for me, well . . . if someone asks how I am, I feel compelled to say, ‘good’ or some such. If I’m not good, then I’m lying! God hates lying and now, not only am I committing a sin – I’m doing it in God’s house. Double whammy. I have spent hours trying to come up with an answer to ‘how are you doing?’ without either lying or telling someone how I really feel when they probably don’t really care!
I want and need to be able to go to church, talk to God, listen to God’s word and the sermon, feel comfort in being the in presence other believers and so on. Many times, though, when I most need to be in God’s House, I avoid attending because of this meet and greet. It has been YEARS since I’ve attended a church that did not have this thing. I need more than home Bible study, but don’t know where to go to find it. Then I’m embarrassed to show up after missing weeks of service.
Sorry for the ramblings, but this is a touchy subject for me.
Like **anything** we do in corporate worship, the fact that we can do it with less than complete sincerity, or the fact that it may disturb our comfort, does not mean that they should not be done – otherwise we’d never sing, preach, read the scriptures, pray out loud, etc. As others have said, the value of welcoming one another (“as Christ has welcomed you”) is too great to lose.
I frankly think this is one more point at which those of us (myself included) in the Free Church tradition can benefit from re-claiming some of the wisdom of our liturgical brothers and sisters. Rather than getting everyone to create their own greeting, where there is pressure to be cool, genuine, funny, sincere, quick, non-invasive, etc., etc., WHY NOT JUST USE THE LITURGICAL WORDS: “The Peace of Christ Be With You.”
Most days, I have to duck out the back door for “a drink of water”, because the stand and greet time jacks up my anxiety. Some days….I just can’t do it…..& we’ve been at our church for 4 yrs. No one ever thinks of that reason.
I see quite a few churches adding these back in services after removing them for years. I don’t think it’s an absolute wrong or right thing to have in a live service.. More cultural and seasonal than right and wrong.
I think there may be an advantage for larger churches and disadvantage for smaller churches to have an in-service meet and greet. For instance, in a smaller church, someone should be greeted and connected with in a more natural and simple way because it should be obvious there is someone new in the room. In a smaller church, you should not “need” an official meet and greet time and by having one it may feel unnecessary and lazy. In a larger church, it may have to be more purposeful and orchestrated causing it to maybe feel less authentic but at the same time completely necessary because newer people have the ability to blend in and be missed.
Just read this article. I can verify this is true, since my husband who had just started attending church with me refused to go back precisely because of this practice. Also, there may be health reasons for some to not want to touch other peoples hands. I wonder if this is even thought of.
I agree completely! My church has the visitors remain seated while the members all “descend” upon them. As a life-long church attender, I was able to deal with this when I first started visiting; however, it made me very uncomfortable. When I have guests attending with me, I usually stick close to them and try to keep them from getting too overwhelmed.
The meet and greet ranks right up there with everyone saying their name around the table as for meaningless activities. I really dont like it at all, its disruptive and doesnt feel like “church.” BUT having said that, i realize there are people who really like it.. so i just put up with it.
May I ask how many total responses you received when you conducted your poll (meaning, how many total people voted in the original poll)? Thank you, sir.
I have been a church-goer literally all my life and I HATE this practice. Most regular church members greet each other leaving the visitor feeling like an outsider. I have been subjected to this in so many churches and would rather not go back to the ones that practice this. It does NOT make visitors feel welcome. DoeS more harm than good in my opinion. I suspect the ones who love this practice are those who haven’t had to find a new church in a long time and therefore have forgotten what it feels like to be the visitor in this situation.
Lu Ann Bradshaw out of all the posts i read which is about 10 % i really liked yours. I know that it wasn’t a computation
I personally think that this is very superficial, and understand why it deters guests (even though most churches I have participated in have this.
For most churches, this just became a time for the people who knew each other (and thus sat near each other anyway) to shake hands and make a comment or two about how glad they were that each of them could make it that Sunday. For everyone else, a quick “hello” and “welcome” is about all you have time for, and that does no more to make a connection than the Wal-Mart cashier asking if you found everything you were looking for.
Additionally, in large churches, it is almost impossible to know, unless you have served in an arena that exposes you to everyone who comes through the doors every week, who is a long-time member and who is visiting for the first time. I remember some time ago asking somebody that I had never seen before in the church if it was his first time coming, to which he replied that he’d been a member for almost 15 years.
That is exactly the reason I am looking for a church right now. I dont understand it all, it feels insincere and very uncomfortable. I would LOVE to find a church that doesnt do this. I think the time could be better spent and leave the greetings for after the service.
I’ve attended an Evang. church at the request of a particular parishioner. Their “meet and greet” that involves hugging. I am abhorred by this and will not go back even tho this parishioner asks me time and again if I’m coming to church. She knows I’m a non believer and the pastor made it clear during the service that the non-believer was wasting their time. Not sure whom he meant by “their” but either way he’s right. Our local doctor has discreetly tried to discourage this close contact especially when so many churches are comprised of mainly seniors who’s health may be at risk.
Like anything, if it’s authentic and sincere, it works; and if not, it falls flat. The headline is telling–maybe it was written to produce more ‘hits’ than a headline talking about the passing of the peace of Christ. Which makes the whole post inauthentic? I wonder…
The passing of the peace isn’t the same (at all) as a “stand and greet time.” Or it shouldn’t be. Congregations need to be reminded often of its significance. Here’s a few ways to do that…
1/ Label this event “The Peace.”
2/ Settle on the words and stick with them. We use, “The peace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you all” with the congregation responding “And also with you.” But there are other good options. But there is great value in using the same words and not always trying to make it novel.
3/ Precede the words–at least sometimes–with an explanation of WHY in the world we’re doing this. Is the passing of the peace worship? Darn tooting it is! But people need to be taught and reminded of this.
3A/ If the passing of the peace follows confession & assurance, these introductory words are appropriate: “Since Christ has forgiven us, we ought also to forgive one another. The peace of Christ be with you all.” (And also with you.) “Please stand, if you are able, and share signs of peace and reconciliation with your sisters and brothers in Christ.”
3B/ Another good preface, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body” (Col. 3:15).
3C/ If the passing of the peace immediately precedes the offering, Jesus’ words from the Sermon on the Mount might be remembered, “Jesus once said, ‘If you are about to make an offering in worship and you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, drop your offering right there and go to this friend and make things right. Then, and only then, come back and make your offering.’ We are called to be reconciled to our sisters and brothers in Christ. Rehearsing this in worship is an ACT of worship, I say to you as I do each week: ‘The peace of Christ be with you’.”
3D/ One last idea. Talk about peace with children and then have them assist with the passing of the peace.
4/ Be an example. Pastors can remind people this isn’t a ‘meet and greet’ time as much as it is a ‘sacramental’ (using the term loosely) time of sharing Christ’s peace with one another. Depending on the time and place, pastors might mingle among the congregation exchanging the words ‘peace be with you’ or ‘peace of Christ’ or ‘and also with you.’ This doesn’t mean you ought not say ‘good morning’ to someone who says ‘good morning’ to, but that you add the liturgical words too. I have a member who often wants to talk about sports events during this time and it’s tempting! But I try to smile and say ‘more about that later–peace of Christ’ and then move on. Perhaps moving on to one or more members with whom I really feel the need to be reconciled.
Should churches end the “stand and greet time”? Yes of course. Stand and greet is for coffee-time. But “THE PEACE” is a integral part of worship–not to be confused with some lame attempt to prove how friendly your church is. :))
Peace be with you,
Rev. Randal K. Lubbers
In the church I attend ‘the peace’ seems to have slowly transformed into a more informal ‘meet and greet’, marked by grand tours of the sanctuary with much socializing and hugging. Your use of the words ‘loosely sacramental’ in describing what the peace can be hit a nail on the head for me and suggests a sharing of the Peace I could fully embrace. I suppose that implies a bit of formality/ritual that might restrain what I would call excesses of individuality in a time of worship. What an old fuddy duddy I am! Peace be with you, Bruce
You must have read my mind! I go to a Catholic church which has a ‘stand and greet’ just before the processional. (This is not the ‘sign of peace’ which is an official part of the Mass and occurs later.) I have been saying for years that it is inappropriate for the following reasons:
1) It disrupts the quiet and prayerful frame of mind that we should have as we begin mass
2) It is unsanitary…people cough, blow their nose, or change their babies, then shake hands
3) It is demeaning for the reader to tell us to greet people. It feels like we’re in kindergarten…”Now, boys and girls, turn and say hello to your neighbor”. We are adults. We can decide for ourselves if we wish to greet others.
All of your other reasons are certainly valid as well.
That is what the greeters are for when members and guest step in the front, side or back door.
Away with it (the stand and greet time)
Great article. I despise the meet and greet.
Often on the road, I am quite familiar with ‘stand and greet.’ However, this always comes across as nice, yet shallow. Those who have the love of God in their hearts should be deeply profound as they communicate about substance. I challenge all pastors reading this to move ‘stand and greet’ to immediately after the service. Just try it out for one service. There would be time to meet someone new, or one who is less known, and possibly move from perfunctory chat to talk which is relational. I have yet to see this done, but wonder how much Christian community would be built if worshippers were encouraged to greet when they actually had time to converse.
This post was extremely helpful.
Just curious, how many responses did you receive in this Twitter poll? And do you know how many different churches were “rated” in this survey?
Many thanks!
Maybe the solution is closer than ever. How about let’s just all stay home and watch the service? Then I won’t have to ever see anyone, talk to anyone, respond in any way. I won’t have to sing, or stand, give, pray or any of those things that I don’t feel like doing. Church should be comfortable in every way. Do you like the people that sit around you? I don’t. So why should I speak with them. I’m here for me—not them. And after all, that’s the main thing Jesus is interested in: my comfort.
Not trying to stir the pot, sometimes I feel that we are bending over backwards trying to make newcomers feel welcome by leaving everything that’s Church & Us behind. Do not Greet, it may make the newcomer feel out of place; let them eat & drink in the Sanctuary, because they don’t know better- and it will clean up; Newcomers can wear pajamas, God doesn’t mind; toss most the hymns out , they like repetitive songs and liturgy well…
Pretty soon church members leave because we won’t recognize church.
When has the balance been done. When does the Pastor become a teaching elder?
When did manners leave the church. Welcoming newcomers can be updated there is no doubt, but reverence to God never goes out.
Thank you
Leave the meet and greet time out of the worship service. Leave it for the fellowship hall. Also, it’s unfortunate we feel we have to treat adults like children.
I belong to a small Baptist church in MS. We stopped doing this for a while. Everyone claimed they missed it so we don’t do it every Sunday but maybe once a month. One of the reasons we brought it back was because usually sit in the back and when service is over they rub out that sanctuary door. They are afraid someone will greet them. They could have chosen to be at any number of churches in the area but they chose ours – they are our honored guests. I sing in the choir loft and am known to get out of there and go mingle. I hope we never stop it again altogether. . We are supposed to be worshipping and be sharing in fellowship together or so says my Bible.
The Peace is a liturgical act based on Matthew 5:23-24. It is proper preparation for receiving Communion, not a social time. Thanks.
Interesting conversation. Each week we project a blessing which we invite people to impart (Cannot think of a better word) to one another. Naturally it is followed by introductions, where appropriate, or short conversations. It comes at the beginning of the service as we gather as the people of God and serves to say that we are here not simply as individuals; but as brothers and sisters in Christ– a family. While somewhat awkward at first for a few as it was a new practice for the congregation, we now have to bring it to a close by beginning the praise time. I frankly cannot say that I have encountered anyone who was so uncomfortable with it that we would cease to do it all together and I say this as one who has modified or ceased a few practices in response to discomfort or concerns raised.
This is a great discussion. It is hard to know other people’s reactions to things.
I am the music leader in a church that has from 80 to 120 people attending on a Sunday morning, a single service with about 80% Sunday School attendance afterward. When we greet each other during service we often shake hands – during cold or flu seasons, we touch elbows – asking how someone is, taking time to find those who are new (at least to some of us) and welcome them. It is not deep or intrusive, but I look forward to it because it is an opportunity to acknowledge and interact with people I don’t see often. They are friends and people I care about, yet we each have our own set of closer friends. I pray for them and their concerns often. Before and after the service I am often pretty involved in things that are going on and because I am in the front of the church, new people are usually out the door before I make it to the back.
I think of ‘meet and greet’ as a greeting card – they are a way for God’s people to connect in a small way as they prepare for corporate worship. We are not a liturgical church. We are somewhat informal, often sharing prayer requests and praises as part of our service, though not an extremely effusive group.
We see each other, greet each other, joke around a little sometimes and often pray side by side or with a hand on their shoulder or the shoulder of someone standing or kneeling with us.
We are a family. Often our family has visitors who may not be very comfortable at first, so we keep contact light and non-invasive. Before long we all become comfortable with each other, learn who likes more or less interaction. We become Family. It’s normal.
I hope that this discussion helps all of us realize that what is difficult for one person can be life-giving to another – and vice versa. We are all so different! Thank God for that – and God bless us all!
Nice topic.
Each community church is different, In my Spanish church with people from all over Latin America, handshakes and hugs are warm and expected.
Many have said the love they felt and the warm welcoming attracted them to our church.
If you show up you will be warmly welcomed and hugged.
Be blessed!
In our olde New England Congregational church, we see this as not simply practice, but a theological imperative. To prepare ourselves to take Communion, we try and make ourselves right with God through a prayer of confession and assurance of pardon. And we try to make right with our neighbor through the passing of the peace. One woman in our congregation who does not want to touch anyone simply holds her hymnal open for the closing hymn and greets folks with a nod.
Our church practices “Stand Up & Greet Your Neighbor” aka “Passing of the Peace.” Only a handful of people will remain seated – not necessarily because they are new or are unwilling to participate but, many are seniors who are unable to stand up so quickly & have limited range of motion. Our pastoral ministry encourages all to greet those seated nearby yet our congregation is eager to cross the aisles and greet as many as possible who are, I repeat, STANDING UP FROM THEIR SEATS. We never impose on those who remain seated!
Throughout the years, we have had only a few complaints but not to the point where they stop attending worship! How sad that this tradition that Jesus Himself practiced with His disciples and to all He came in contact with should be left out before the start of Worship in a growing number of churches. Like his sermon, the pastor should be in total control of this tradition, by announcing who (those standing up), where (behind, beside & in front of you) and how much time it lasts (no more than 5-7 minutes or depending on size of congregation).
When first started in my church, I did think it was unique and ok. Now I think it is fake and I rarely participate. I don’t like it when some one comes to shake my hand and says something like “how you doing” but then turns and goes to the next person. Don’t ask me a question unless you are willing to take the time to listen. I know others in the church love it. Therefore I don’t think it should stop. After all the church is an assembly of believers and not all believers feel the same about everything.
A recurring theme from those who like the artificial and awkward time of “stand and greet” is that those who don’t like it … most responders and virtually all visitors … can go pound sand. In otherwords, I don’t care if this practice is uncomfortable for you, or might cause you to avoid future services. Pretty close minded and selfish I’d say.
HATE it. Please make it stop. Waste of time and great germ spereader, right before Communion, and most people take the Body of Our Lord in their nasty dirty hands, after touching the music books, money, etc. Jesus deserves more respect and stopping the stupid phony friendly greeting is a step forward.
This practice has been adopted by some Catholic priests in recent years. It’s so wrong! “Good morning” is what I expect to hear from a Walmart greeter, not a priest of the Most High God.
Add me to the list that finds the greeting as too contrived. I don’t know if what I am about to write was included in your survey and that is before the distribution of Holy Communion our Pastor requires that everyone must stand and wait until the que reaches your pew, then process down the aisle. Our church is a large church, the last pew is a long way from the Eucharistic Ministers. When sitting toward the rear of the church it is a long wait, time that I can remain kneeling, praying or meditating on the hymn that is being sung etc. After a while this singular issue botherd me enough that I switched parishes. Thank you for letting me express my opinion.
You don’t give a damn about me.
I might be suffering. I might be about to be bankrupt, but for a small amount.
Instead of caring or asking you will try to grab my hand and “greet” me.
But it is clear you don’t care. If I was bleeding you would not bind my wounds. If I was homeless you wouldn’t pay for a night in a hotel, much less let me stay in your home.
Superficial Christianity.
The image – as in 2 dimentional painting – of Christ?
But blow your trumpets as you greet people.
Do so in public and laud yourselves.
I know you don’t care.
I’m not sure if you are Christan because your virtue signalling is so loud I can’t hear anything else. Your superficial glitter is so bright I can’t see beyond.
And many just don’t wish to be bothered – they might if it was at all sincere. But you will run up to them and do a battery by grabbing them and shake their hand and no matter how uncomfortable, you will tell them that you love them, even though you have caused nothing but hurt.
If the Church insists on keeping the sign of peace, it should be done at the very begining of Mass. I personally find it completely distracting because it’s done during the most solemn part of the Mass, as the priest is in the middle of the Consecration, when all focus should be on the Altar. People talking and waving is really annoying. It should stop.
We do not go to church to socialize or to network. It’s only about me and God. This practice is cringeworthy, I agree.
I go to church to worship God. I do not go into the sanctuary until your obnoxious entertainment music is over. Greeting others I could care either way. Do what you want to. I would rather spend my time being taught the word and prayer than even give man made rules on entertainment and etiquette in the service. Remember the service is entertainment driven until the sermon to emotionally work you up to reach into your pocket.
Always thought it rather interesting how when the Pastor or leader asks the audience to meet/greet someone you don’t know; you can go the same person week after week.
I find the meet and greet pretty empty. We do the same thing week after week and never interact with each other until the following week when we do the same thing again. If you want to participate; fine. But I don’t think I should be judged for not participating when it would make me feel like a hypocrite. I’m there for God – not for empty socialization.